Bitcoin’s Big Slump: Crypto Market Loses $300B (And My Will to Live)

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Oh, just a humble $300 billion lost in the crypto chaos today. Bitcoin’s currently playing hide and seek below $100k-because who doesn’t love a financial rollercoaster with a side of existential dread? 🤯💸

$300B down in one day. Bitcoin’s at $99,954, basically a psychological barrier it’s determined to ignore.

  • Bitcoin and Ethereum ETFs? They’re on a spending spree, coughing up $1.4B in outflows. Who needs money when you can have drama?
  • U.S. dollar’s flexing against the euro like it’s flexing its biceps at the gym. Four-month high? More like four-month panic. 🤷♂️

    • Why?

    Why, you ask? Well, darling, Bitcoin decided to play the part of a nervous wreck, plummeting below $105k like it’s avoiding a bad date. Support levels? What support levels? It’s more like a freefall with a side of panic.

    Bitcoin and the entire crypto market cap? Both down 6%. The market cap’s at $3.36T, but let’s be real-it’s more like $3.36T if you squint. Liquidations hit $1.3B, with longs getting liquidated like they’re in a bad investment reality show.

    The U.S. dollar’s flexing its muscles against the euro, hitting a four-month high. Because nothing says “safe haven” like hiding under a rock with your cash. 🤷♂️ Meanwhile, the Fed’s rate cut uncertainty is making traditional investments look like the cool kids on the block. Who needs crypto when you can have U.S. Treasuries? 🤷♀️

    Bitcoin and Ethereum ETFs are on a five-day outflow streak. BTC: $189.5k out. ETH: $135.7k out. If this were a movie, it’d be called The Great Cash Escape. 🏃♂️💨

    When will crypto markets go up again?

    After October’s emotional whiplash, maybe November is just crypto’s version of a spa day. Lacie Zhang from Bitget Wallet says we’re in a “recalibration phase”-translation: let’s take a group nap before we crash again. 🛌💤

    “Market data says Bitcoin might bounce between $94k and $118k soon. The lower end? Just a cozy little crash zone for ETFs that forgot to bring snacks,” Zhang said, probably while sipping a latte.

    If Bitcoin can hold above key resistance, maybe the market will regain its sparkle. Or it’ll just pivot to altcoins like, “Oops, forgot to diversify. Good luck, losers!” 🚀

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    2025-11-05 00:02