Bitcoin’s New Trick? 🤯

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Oh, the hubris of man! Amboss Technologies, in a moment of… shall we say, excessive optimism, has partnered with Voltage, those purveyors of Lightning Payments. They declare – declare! – an integration. A coupling. A… yield-bearing liaison. It is to permit businesses, those eternally grasping entities, to accept Bitcoin and stablecoins with a speed bordering on the indecent, and at a cost so low it almost insults the very concept of value. But here’s the rub, dear reader, the agonizing twist: they propose to earn yield on this pitiful hoard of self-custodied Bitcoin. As if the pursuit of profit isn’t enough suffering already! 💸

The mechanism, naturally, is complex. Taproot Assets, a construct of dubious spiritual weight, facilitating exchanges between Bitcoin and those flimsy stablecoins… it’s all rather exhausting, isn’t it? They speak of automating liquidity management, of treasuries generating revenue without the vulgarity of lending or staking. It’s a system built on shadows and algorithms, a desperate attempt to wring blood from a stone. The very air around it crackles with the scent of… well, let’s call it hope. Foolish, fragile hope. bitcoin

They target, naturally, the densest concentrations of vice: gaming, those soul-sucking digital distractions, prediction markets, where men gamble away their futures, and crypto exchanges, those modern-day temples to speculation. They whisper of 30% reductions in processing costs, of SOC 2 Type II security – a pathetic attempt to soothe our existential dread – and global scalability. But the practicalities… the details! These are, of course, conveniently omitted. A veil of mystery, concealing the inevitable disappointments. 🙄

Read More: Amboss Launches Rails: Earn Yield on Bitcoin and Enhance Lightning Network Utility

FAQ 🧭

What does the Amboss‑Voltage integration do? – It’s a Faustian bargain, naturally. Voltage’s Lightning Payments API tangled with Amboss Rails, promising instant Bitcoin and stablecoin transactions and onchain verifiable yield derived from the murky depths of Lightning routing liquidity.
When was the partnership announced? – On November the 13th, 2025. A date that will undoubtedly live in infamy… or at least until the next shiny new protocol arrives.
Which businesses are the primary targets? – The usual suspects: gaming purveyors of digital delusion, those who prey on the hopeful in prediction markets, and the unrepentant speculators of crypto exchanges. They are all eager to partake in this latest folly. 🤡
Does the solution require moving custody of Bitcoin? – No. They claim it preserves the illusion of self-custody, allowing one to generate yield via Lightning routing without resorting to the indignity of lending or staking. Deception, my friend, is the cornerstone of modern finance.

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2025-11-16 13:58