Oh, the Absurdity of It All!
Why Do These Corporate Giants Fiddle with Bitcoin While Rome (or the Market) Burns? 🤔
Behold, as Coinbase and Strategy, those titans of the digital realm, clutch their Bitcoin like misers hoarding gold in a Gogol-esque farce! Even as the price dips, their conviction remains as unshakable as a bureaucrat’s love for red tape. 🤑
Could This Madness Anchor Bitcoin’s Fate? ⛓️
Imagine, if you will, a world where balance sheets become anchors, tethering Bitcoin’s price to the $105K-$110K abyss. Will demand hold firm, or shall we all be swept into the vortex of financial absurdity? 🌪️
In the third quarter of the fateful year 2025, Coinbase and Strategy Inc. (formerly MicroStrategy, a name as forgotten as a minor character in Dead Souls) unveiled earnings reports so robust, they could make even Chichikov blush. These corporate jesters have doubled down on Bitcoin, even as the asset trades lower near $107,000. What folly! 🤡
Coinbase’s Grand Delusion
Coinbase, that digital bazaar of crypto dreams, reported $1.8 billion in revenue and $433 million in net income-its strongest quarter since the halcyon days of 2021. CEO Brian Armstrong, with a straight face, declared, “Coinbase is long Bitcoin. Our holdings increased by 2,772 BTC in Q3-and we keep buying more.” Oh, the audacity! 🦹‍♂️
According to the sages at Bitcoin Treasuries, Coinbase now holds 14,548 BTC, making it the ninth-largest holder. Its stablecoin revenue climbed to $355 million, while derivatives trading volume surpassed $840 billion. Assets under custody? A cool $300 billion. Truly, a circus of numbers! 🎪
Strategy’s Bitcoin-Fueled Folly
Strategy Inc., the grand maestro of corporate Bitcoin hoarding, recorded $2.8 billion in quarterly profit and $12.9 billion in unrealized BTC gains. It now holds 640,808 BTC, valued at a staggering $70.9 billion. The largest corporate holder, they say? What a laughable crown! đź‘‘
Their goal? A 30% annual BTC yield by year-end-a scheme so bold, it makes Akaky Akakievich’s obsession with his coat seem rational. Bitcoin as a primary reserve asset? Oh, the madness of it all! 🧪
The Institutional Farce Deepens
These reports reveal a world where corporations are not just dabbling in ETFs but diving headfirst into Bitcoin, expanding crypto-linked revenue streams like a nosy neighbor in a Gogol novella. Stablecoin market growth past $160 billion? Record on-chain derivatives volumes? Corporate treasury exposure on the rise? What a spectacle! đźŽ
Together, they paint a portrait of institutional infrastructure so grand, it could only be born from the mind of a satirist. 🖼️
Bitcoin’s Absurd Outlook
Bitcoin, that fickle muse, has declined by approximately 2% over the past 24 hours to $107,585, despite the institutional fanfare. On-chain data and exchange flows suggest continued accumulation in the $106K-$115K range. Will a move above $110K reignite momentum? Or shall we all be left holding the bag, like poor Ivan Ivanovich with his misplaced nose? 🕵️♂️
Only time will tell, dear reader, in this grand comedy of errors and crypto dreams. 🕰️
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2025-10-31 01:31