“We’ve luxuriated in contemplation, dear reader,” confessed Shiv Verma, the venerable vice president of finance and strategy, during the florid oration that comprised their third-quarter earnings conference on a dreary Wednesday. “To align with our community, we must not only flirt with their passions but consummate them!” he declared, a twinkle of mischief in his eye.
Currently clinging to $0.163 like a socialite to her last shred of dignity, DOGE nosedived 5% on Tuesday. Institutional sellers, those paragons of fiscal responsibility, ensured it breached critical support levels. Meanwhile, on-chain data reveals whales offloading 1 billion DOGE-roughly $440 million of pure, unadulterated disappointment. 🐳💸
The Deribit bitcoin options market is now a battleground, where traders are preparing for the worst: a drop to $80,000 as spot prices show clear signs of weakness. 😱
There’s hope, dear reader! Strong retail accumulation on Coinbase and bullish Puell Multiple readings point to renewed upside potential near long-term support. So, don’t write off Bitcoin just yet, even though it’s hanging on by a thread.
In a recent missive, Hougan doth cite the wise macro thinker Jordi Visser, who compareth Bitcoin’s current state to a “silent IPO.” 🕵️♂️
The race for an XRP Spot ETF has escalated to “intergalactic urgency,” according to sources who may or may not be entirely sober. Grayscale, a firm whose name suggests it specializes in turning digital assets into existential crises, has filed an updated amendment for its proposed ETF. John Squire, a crypto influencer whose predictions are about 67% accurate (give or take a black hole), claims this move is “bold.” Bold, or possibly the result of sleep deprivation.
Apparently, Balancer got hit by a code exploit so sophisticated, it makes the plot of Ocean’s Eleven look like a kindergarten play. This digital heist, which went down on Monday, targeted Balancer v2 Stable Pools and Composable Stable v5 pools, leaving the rest of the pools as clueless bystanders. 🏊♂️🤷♂️
In cahoots with the American sorcerers of payment infrastructure, Paera, Tangem Pay permits its patrons to deposit and squander Circle’s USDC on the Polygon network. So proclaims the herald in a proclamation whispered to CryptoMoon on a Wednesday, no less. 🌙
Its real impact lies not in new tax burdens but in how France is redefining digital wealth within its broader fiscal policy. Imagine trying to explain blockchain to a medieval tax collector-except now the collector is a bureaucrat with a spreadsheet and a caffeine addiction.
In the midst of a market that can only be described as ‘volatile,’ Cardano has decided to put on its finest performance, rising above $0.54 with a modest 1.3% increase in the last 24 hours. Bravo, ADA, bravo!
