Behind the tragic price decline, the ever-diligent beavers of infrastructure development and the gradual, but undeniable, institutional love affair with the network could serve as the prime ingredients for a stunningly unexpected recovery.
ZachXBT posted the thread at 8:41 a.m. EST, naming Broox Bauer, a senior business development employee at Axiom based in New York. According to ZachXBT, Bauer and others allegedly exploited the company’s insufficient access controls to snoop on sensitive wallet information since early 2025. One might wonder why Axiom didn’t secure their internal dashboards with the same care as a dragon’s hoard.
Park shudders at the thought of Jane Street being held responsible for everything from Bitcoin’s price fluctuations to the tide’s movements. He says the real culprit lies in a feature of the ETF system-one that gives authorized participants (APs) far too much flexibility in how they hedge and settle trades. With a cast of characters that includes Jane Street, JPMorgan, Citadel, and others, the question is more about the plumbing of the system than any single shady operator.
MetaMask is expanding the reach of its blockchain-based debit card in the U.S. after a year-long trial and receiving permission to enter New York for the first time. How thrilling! Now, if only they could explain why crypto is still “disappearing” into the void.
Alas, the fleeting joys of profit, snatched away as swiftly as they appeared, became the bitter bread of the traders’ existence. Yet lo! The serpent of the market, long coiled in its 10 A.M. ritual, rose in rebellion, slithering past the $68,000 threshold, its scales glinting with a 4% surge. The absence of the familiar dagger to the heart left the crowd gasping-a spectacle more shocking than a saint’s miracle.
What followed was a masterclass in the theater of the absurd. WazirX, the self-proclaimed gateway to crypto enlightenment, revealed itself to be less a fortress of security and more a sieve of incompetence. The hack, a spectacle of on-chain outflows visible to the naked eye, went unacknowledged for hours-a delay that, in the crypto cosmos, might as well have been an eternity. By the time the alarm bells rang, the recovery window had slammed shut with the finality of a guillotine.
the reset is coming next Tuesday so you don’t have to recreate your dev setup on the dev net yet
Meanwhile, the altcoins are having a full-on disco revival. ETH sashayed back above $2,000 like it’s NBD, and ADA? Oh, ADA’s having a moment-surging by double digits to nearly $0.30. Someone get this coin a glass of Bolly, stat!
So, picture this: Jane Street gets sued, and suddenly Bitcoin’s like, “Hold my blockchain,” and shoots up 10%. Coincidence? I think not! The 10 AM dump pattern-aka the “Jane Street siesta”-took a permanent vacation. Traders are now sipping crypto-tinis instead of crying into their coffee.
The accused, in a display of culinary artistry, allegedly laced a cup of coffee with methomyl, a substance more at home in a gardener’s shed than a café’s menu. The victim, after three days of unconscious slumber, awoke to the cruel joke of a life disrupted-wedding plans dissolved like ash in the wind.
