October, that most capricious of months, has historically treated Bitcoin to an average return of 29.23%, though one suspects the moon may have had a hand in it 🌕. Even September, that dreary overture, saw BTC rise 5.41%-a cruel tease before the main event.
Per CoinMarketCap, BNB’s currently trading at $1,097.47, which is just $13.47 shy of a new hat trick. The 24-hour volume? A tidy $4.21 billion-enough to buy every man, woman, and child in Topeka a new pet frog. And let’s not forget the 6.47% surge in one day; that’s the kind of momentum that makes a steamboat look like a snail.
Flat trading over the past week doesn’t inspire confidence, leaving only a sliver of hope between stability and yet another savage correction. Stay tuned!
SWIFT, that ancient behemoth, declares its foray into the realm of smart contracts and stablecoins. Yet, Garlinghouse, with a wink and a smirk, dismisses it as a mere “marketing play.” A prototype, he scoffs, while Ripple has been weaving its digital tapestry for years. “While SWIFT doth announce with great fanfare,” he proclaims, “we have built empires, my dear friends!” 🏰
In a move that would make even the Master and Margarita blush, Fitell Corporation has expanded its digital treasure chest by purchasing 216.8 million Pump.fun (PUMP) tokens for $1.5 million. The transaction, confirmed on Thursday, marks their first dalliance with PUMP and a grand entrance into the Solana masquerade. 🎭💰
We’re talking global operations here – CoinW from Singapore (oy, a whole ocean away!), BTCC from the UK (where they know a thing or two about money!), and even some from Hong Kong and the US. Apparently, they weren’t following the rules. The Prevention of Money Laundering Act, 2002, a real shmegegge for these companies 🙄.
In a recent soliloquy worthy of Shakespeare (if Shakespeare had been a crypto bro), the soothsayers at Altcoin Daily proclaimed that institutional adoption, favorable policies, and actual utility might – gasp – make this cycle slightly less ridiculous than previous ones. How positively revolutionary! 🎭
The crypto markets, ever the drama queens, now face a new act of chaos, with volatility as unpredictable as a Parisian café waiter’s mood. 🌀
In his latest blog post, cleverly titled “Bastille Day” (because nothing says financial revolution like a French holiday), the ex-BitMEX bigwig claims France’s debt is ballooning faster than a Michelin-starred soufflé. His solution? The ECB will print euros like they’re going out of style, which, spoiler alert, they might be. Meanwhile, Bitcoin will sit there, smug and scarce, judging everyone. 🥖📉
Just a day earlier, Cardano’s Charles Hoskinson, the self-proclaimed crypto oracle, casually predicted Bitcoin could hit $250,000 by 2026. “Geopolitical chaos? That’s just fuel for the fire,” he said, sipping his imaginary tea. 🫖
