Crypto News

00 p.m. ET, followed by Powell’s press conference at 2:30 p.m. ET. Minutes come three weeks later, on Jan. 8, 2026. 📅

The Official Account

The whale positioning occurring off the chart, however, is the most remarkable development. Unanimously, some of the ecosystem’s most intelligent, well-behaved whales are long on ETH and getting bigger. BitcoinOG, a trader with $105 million in total PNL, is holding 54,277 ETH, or about $169.48 million. “Anti-CZ” whale is long 62,156 ETH, a position worth roughly $194 million, and has $58.8 million in total PNL. Another steadily profitable entity with $16.3 million in PNL, pension-usdt.eth, has taken a long for 20,000 ETH, or about $62.5 million. These whales are buying so much, they’re practically doing a TikTok dance. 🐟

Binance’s operations will now be run by a trio of overachievers: Nest Exchange Services Limited, Nest Clearing and Custody Limited, and Nest Trading Limited. Think of them as the Avengers of digital assets-each with a special duty to keep everything safe, transparent, and just a little bit flashy. Dubai is smirking, “We’re the new sheriff in crypto town.”

Authorities, ever the party poopers, are slapping warnings on crypto scams after this gem of a heist. A 65-year-old ex-engineer once fixing bridges suddenly fixated on crypto bridges to… nowhere.ICYMI: his wallet is now a haunted house 🏚️🕷️

The analysts, those esteemed sages of modern-day augury, beckon our attention to the shifting winds of fortune. The year wanes, and the melancholy investor, once wary, now gambles, seemingly driven by the dread of Christmas and the Year of Our Lord’s end.

Behold, the XRP whales, those titans of the crypto seas, are amassing more, while ETF inflows, like a steady rain, increase. The price, in its characteristic caprice, meanders within a narrow range. The venerable Ali Martinez, that sage of the market, posits that this may herald a 16% ascent. 🐋

Eyewitnesses report, according to Lookonchain-yes, I heard it right, Lookonchain-a whale big as sin, took a massive dip into the Ethereum pool. They say he’s been sniffin’ the air for an opportunity, and lo and behold, Pension-usdt.eth decided to lay a bet as stout as a pinto bean. And what do they do? They grab a lasso around 20,000 ETH!

It’s utterly mesmerizing how a man, a dot, and a color scheme can make grown investors cry (or trade). Saylor’s tweets are less financial news and more interpretive dance for the terminally online. And somehow, it works. Even as the Fear and Greed Index screams “RUN” louder than your ex’s voicemail, people are buying. Welcome to the circus. 🎪

Yet, beneath its coquettish rise lurks the ghost of volatility, waving its spectral hand from October’s chilly shadow. A swift, savage sell-off still haunts us like a bad ex. Thus, while optimism flickers more brightly than a drunken chandelier, caution must be as muted as a debutante’s compliment, especially when altcoins have been performing the financial equivalent of a drunk cousin at a wedding. 🍸