Crypto News

Armstrong argues that banks and hedge funds are finally realizing Bitcoin is just like regular money but with more emojis. He also credits “ETF inflows” (read: people throwing cash at crypto like it’s the last firework at a county fair) and Bitcoin’s “limited supply” (i.e., it’s so scarce, it makes a Michelin-starred restaurant reservation look like a fast-food giveaway). 🍽️

These Bills, you see, establish precisely who is to regulate these curious digital assets. Mr. Novogratz believes this clarity-a rare and welcome commodity, indeed!-will attract a wave of newcomers, thereby disturbing the established rhythm of the market. A rhythm, he informs us, tied to this “Bitcoin halving” which occurs every four years, much like the seasons, though decidedly less predictable, one might add. The last such event occurred this past April, leading some to believe the current rise in prices is but fleeting.

In the lead-up to Seoul’s Korea Blockchain Week, discussions about a Korean Won stablecoin were among the leading narratives. Because nothing says “innovation” like a currency that can’t leave its own country. 🏦

With an almost comical 390% gain, this cryptocurrency equivalent of a cosmic tennis pro has been setting new records for the past nine consecutive months, according to the latest figures from the nation’s regulatory overlords.

On Tuesday, CFTC acting chair Caroline Pham boldly declared that the agency will “work closely with stakeholders” (because, you know, collaboration is key when money is involved) and is actively seeking feedback on this brilliant idea until Oct. 20. Yes, that’s right-mark your calendars, folks. 🗓️

And before you ask, no, you don’t actually have to own the asset to trade it. How convenient! CFD trading lets you bet on an asset’s price movement without actually having to buy it. It’s like gambling, but with slightly better odds… we hope. Bybit is starting with a batch of 20 CFDs available from September 23, so mark your calendars, people! ⏰

Lo and witness! The illustrious co-founder and erstwhile CEO of Binance, Master Changpeng Zhao-whom the vulgar masses know simply as CZ- hath thundered against a tale spun by the Financial Times. This tale did assert that YZi Labs might one day unveil their $10 billion treasure hoard to any fool or knave with coin to toss. CZ, upon first seeing such nonsense on the gossiping scrolls of social media, declared it to be “complete false news,” born of “fake, made-up info and negative narratives” worthy of farces and jesters alike.

In the twilight of tradition, a new dawn breaks. The blockchain, once a rebel in the shadows, now strides boldly into the heart of regulated finance. On the 23rd of September, the Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC) unveiled its latest masterpiece-an initiative to wed tokenized collateral, including the ever-stoic stablecoins, to the tempestuous world of derivatives.

According to Ai4Alpha’s latest analysis on X (because who wouldn’t trust X for investment advice these days?), Dogwifhat has slipped beneath the $0.80 support level-a key price point it used to flaunt like a well-cut suit. Naturally, this led to a sharp decline in price, and the Relative Strength Index (RSI) is now limping along at 25.95. For those who care, that means it’s in oversold territory-basically, the digital equivalent of a limp handshake. 🫣