Crypto News

The investment isn’t coming from some fancy sovereign wealth fund-no, sir! Instead, it’s being yanked straight from the country’s gold and foreign exchange treasures. Timur Suleimenov, the wise guardian of the nation’s money, announced this daring feat during a briefing. Apparently, they’ve already crafted a shiny new crypto reserve tucked away in some corner of their “alternative investment” closet. As global markets tremble and Bitcoin tumbles 17%, Kazakhstan stands firm-at least according to their brave announcement. 🌍📉

One might suppose Wall Street’s elite are determined to ensure tokenization does not disrupt their meticulously arranged hierarchy-Nasdaq, it seems, has resolved to lead this charge with the subtlety of a debutante clutching a ledger. 📊

Behold the Hashrate Index: hashprice clings to $38.3 PH/s per day, a paltry increase from November’s nadir. At $40 PH/s lies the mythical break-even line, where miners either feast or starve. Below it, rigs grow silent like tombstones in a crypto cemetery. Block times flirt with the 10-minute ideal (9.97 minutes, to be precise), triggering adjustments that drop difficulty like a toddler’s tantrum. Progress, indeed.

The chart, a labyrinth of numbers, reveals XRP teetering near $2.20, a price so precarious it’s like balancing on a pinhead while a bear market howls in the distance. 🐻🔥

On November 28, 2025, CoinShares sent its “I’m out” letters to the SEC, withdrawing its XRP ETF application. They also pulled the plug on the Solana Staking ETF and, just for good measure, ditched the Litecoin ETF too. It’s all part of a “market consolidation” effort. We know-super thrilling stuff.

This madcap markdown of riches sent the market tumbling faster than a kangaroo on roller skates, with the total market cap plummeting on the chart faster than your grandma’s old teapot. Based on a TradingView gadget-excluding the safe little stablecoins, Bitcoin [BTC], and Ethereum [ETH]-the market lost a staggering fortune. Yes, a cool $384 billion vanished between its peak and the 21st of November. Poof! Again! 🎩✨

’Tis reported, by the reliably verbose scribes of Reuters, that President Berdymukhamedov – may his reign be long and… interesting – hath affixed his august signature to a decree. This decree, effective come the year of Our Lord 2026, shall permit the registration of those merchants of the intangible – crypto exchanges, and those miners of digital substance.

Oh, Argentina! Just when you think you’ve seen it all, the land of tango, football, and never-ending inflation adds another feather to its cap. Buenos Aires has officially ratified a law permitting citizens to settle their taxes using Dogecoin. In case you’re wondering, Dogecoin is still not considered a “legal tender” (yet!), but hey, the capital city’s got a whole new vibe. It’s 2025, and crypto’s not just for techies anymore-it’s tax season, too. 😏

“We’ll just hasten with the vigor of a man pursued by a pack of wolves,” declared Matt Savarese, Nasdaq’s digital assets alchemist, during a CNBC interview, as if the SEC were a fickle lover demanding a proposal in a fortnight. 🐺