Crypto News

Two Bitcoin wallets, which had been sitting on their cosmic piles of Bitcoin for over eight years (probably during which time they aged like fine cheese), casually deposited 1,176 BTC – yes, that’s over $136 million, like pocket change for a whale – into the trading platform Hyperliquid on a Sunday. Lookonchain, the cryptic oracle of X, announced this was the official start of “dumping.” As in, putting those Bitcoins on sale like a flash mob of digital hoarders suddenly needing to pay their cloud storage bills.

Outright banning crypto? Please. That’s just asking people to trade Bitcoin in alleyways while the government stares at their suspiciously full coffee mugs. ☕ The U.S. stablecoin move? A global payment game-changer, or just a fancy way to confuse the average Joe? India’s worried it’ll fragment their payment systems-like a bad breakup, but with more transactions. 💸

Behold, on the 29th of August, the TRON [TRX] network, in a fit of generosity (or perhaps folly?), decreed a 60% reduction in transaction gas price. The energy unit price, once a lofty 210 sun, was humbled to a mere 100 sun, as noted by the wise sages at CryptoQuant Research. 🧙‍♂️📜

The crypto market finally saw significant momentum last week. As of Sunday at 4:00 PM UTC, Bitcoin’s price had jumped 4.78%. Altcoins soared even higher, with ETH climbing 7.72% and SOL skyrocketing by 22.65%. 🤯 Because nothing says “I’m excited” like a 22.65% jump in a token named after a fruit.

The attacker, a cunning rascal, employed a flash loan to acquire 4.6 million BONE-a sum so vast it could make a dog’s tail wag with envy. With this, they seized majority validator power, their fingers dancing upon compromised signing keys like a pianist on a cursed instrument. A malicious state was signed, and the funds vanished quicker than a bureaucrat’s promise. The sequence, as detailed by the intrepid blockchain developer Kaal Dhairya, was echoed across the land, leaving the masses agape. 🕵️‍♂️✨

In a recent scribble on X, Martinez, that old chart-reader, laid out a technical analysis so intricate it’d make a spider proud. SOL’s recent surge, he insists, tore through a key ascending triangle like a hot knife through butter, spittin’ out bullish momentum that could carry it to dizzying heights.

Within the last twenty-four hours, a prodigious 200,537,614 DOGE did arrive in two grand conveyances at the esteemed crypto establishment known as OKEX. One wonders whether these coins carried luggage or at least sent word ahead.

On the ever-so-glamorous day of September 14, our dear network babysitters spotted an 18-block reorg that wiped out a casual 118 transactions like last season’s fashion faux pas. The wise sage known as Xenu called this the “biggest reorg in Monero’s history,” which is just a fancy way of saying the network’s feeling a little under the weather.

So, Bitcoin [BTC] is tiptoeing toward a serious supply wall sitting pretty at $116,963. Around 534,000 BTC holders – that’s about 2.68% of all floating coins – are nervously waiting to break even. The suspense is *real*.

So, more SHIB is sitting on exchanges, waiting to be liquidated? That’s the plan? 🤷‍♂️ Maybe the devs are just waiting for the perfect moment to hit the eject button. 😂