Crypto News

So, more SHIB is sitting on exchanges, waiting to be liquidated? That’s the plan? 🤷‍♂️ Maybe the devs are just waiting for the perfect moment to hit the eject button. 😂

BitMine Immersion Technologies, evidently feeling flush, has padded its coffers with a hefty 46,255 ETH-some two hundred million dollars clasped tightly-according to the blockchain oracle known as Onchain Lens. One wonders if their digital vault jingles with joy or groans under crypto-weight. 

In a move that’s sure to make economists cry into their spreadsheets, the Trump Administration has unveiled its latest strategy to stop the Russo-Ukrainian conflict: tariffs. Yes, tariffs. Because nothing says “diplomacy” like slapping China with 100% levies and assuming it’ll make Putin rethink his life choices. 🤷‍♀️

On the thirteenth day of September, this whimsical meme cryptocurrency, Dogecoin, experienced a surge of more than 11%, much to the delight of its ardent followers, before modestly retreating. 🌕

Meanwhile, Bitcoin, that granddaddy of digital folly, finds itself engaged in a rather undignified tussle with…silver. Silver! As if a cold, hard metal needed to be bothered by electronically conjured nothingness. It has slipped to the eighth position. Oh, the indignity! It was once aiming for fifth, you see, but alas, the capricious winds of the market blew it gently, yet decisively, off course.

Alpha Crypto Signal, those wise old owls of the crypto forest, reckon BTC is flexing its muscles on the daily chart. The ol’ horizontal resistance zone? Flipped faster than a politician’s promise. Buyers are in the driver’s seat, and they’re stepping on the gas. 🚗💨 But hold your horses-$117,000 is the next dragon to slay, and it’s got more teeth than a tax auditor.

By order of the Crown’s own Department of Justice (a rather verbose title, I must confess), a complaint hath been lodged, seeking recompense of more than five million of these Bitcoin units. ‘Tis said these coins were procured through the aforementioned SIM swapping – a practice most base and deceitful, wherein a rogue doth assume the identity of another via their mobile connection! The prosecutors, bless their diligent hearts, allege these cyber-criminals exploited weaknesses in the systems of the mobile providers to relieve honest folks of their cryptocurrency, and then attempted to disguise this theft through the hallowed halls of a casino platform. Observe! It appears this perfidy unfolded between the twenty-ninth of October of the year 2022, and the twenty-first of March of the year 2023, as the officials did explain:

Usually, XRP price hype revolves around stuff like banks finally agreeing to play nice and use it for cross-border payments. Snooze. But Austin? He’s waving all that away like it’s yesterday’s avocado toast and says XRP’s about to surge regardless, especially if Bitcoin decides to live up to its billion-dollar party invitation. 🤑

Mr. Ramsey-who’s no stranger to ruffling feathers-was quick to point out that crypto is, in fact, a currency, albeit a digital one. But don’t be fooled into thinking he’s all in on Bitcoin or Ethereum. No, no, dear reader, Ramsey’s take on crypto is as mixed as a salad at a vegan potluck. He’s tossed crypto, gambling, commodities, and fiat currencies into the same pot, stirred them up, and served them with a side of skepticism.

Pepe (PEPE) has been on a seven-day bender, hitting $0.00001200 on Sep. 13, with trading volume topping $1.34 billion. That’s more than Shiba Inu’s ($406 million) and Pudgy Penguins’ ($592 million) combined-talk about showing the other memecoins who’s boss! 🐸👑 This price leap coincided with a 1.1 trillion token exodus from exchanges, leaving a mere 255.9 trillion behind. Someone’s been hoarding coins like a dragon with a gold fetish. 🐉💰