Crypto News

Apparently, the hotbed of all this financial chaos is the self-managed superannuation funds (SMSFs)-those charming, DIY retirement schemes that give investors more freedom than a toddler in a candy store. Unlike their more cautious cousins, SMSFs are like the wild west of pensions-rumbling with the thrill of individual choice. According to Bloomberg, this is where the crypto love affair has ignited first-probably because what’s more fun than gambling with your retirement savings? 🤔

As of the end of 2025, there were around 659 million cryptocurrency holders worldwide, according to a December report from Crypto.com. Impressive, right? But hold on to your hats, because this is just the beginning.

Michael Saylor, that audacious strategist with a penchant for bold hats and bolder predictions, has dropped a statement so explosive it could make a volcano blush. During a recent Bloomberg chat, he casually mentioned that the bear market is as dead as a dodo with a gluten allergy. And guess what? Bitcoin might just strut into the ballroom of billionaires wearing a $1 million dress. How *very* fancy.

Bitcoin had a mid-August love affair with $124,000 – a veritable romance with the stars. But now, it’s limping $15,000 behind, rubbing its digital eyes.

Mark your calendars, because October is shaping up to be the crypto equivalent of a Marvel movie marathon. Here’s the lineup:

Meanwhile, the whales – the monstrous beasts of the crypto ocean – are busy shifting their riches away, moving billions into Ethereum as if gripped by some sardonic muse. The Fed, that insidious puppet master, prepares to tighten or loosen its grip, adding even more chaos to this carnival of despair.

In a move that could make your accountant shed a tear of joy, Sonic-formerly known as our beloved Fantom blockchain-made a tactical play for the big leagues. They hit the community up for a hefty vote to fund this dazzling U.S. expansion strategy. You know, just casually $50 million on an ETF and a $100 million investment program, with a side of Delaware-registered business. Because who doesn’t need another excuse to visit Delaware? 🤷‍♀️

Once upon a time-2010, to be precise-Bitcoin was cheaper than a stale donut. A year later? $20. Six years? $17,000. Today? Over $100K, peaking at $123K in July. 📈 If you’d invested at launch, you’d now be lounging on a yacht made of regret and 188,643,000% ROI. Even Mastercard and JP Morgan are elbowing into the Bitcoin buffet. But let’s be honest: Bitcoin’s tech is older than your uncle’s dial-up jokes. No dApps. No smart contracts. DeFi scalability? Practically a myth. 🧙‍♂️

suddenly, we have self-executing apps that can liquidate, rebalance, and adapt all by themselves. 🔥

Bitcoin, that fickle mistress of fortune, descended to the realm of $107,270 before a feeble rebound, its volatility a drunken waltz in the void. 🕺