Crypto News

QTUM’s been ridin’ the waves like a salty dog, up 18.94% in the last week and a whopping 38.83% over the month. Its year-over-year performance be a respectable 29.11%, though it’s still 97.16% below its all-time high of $106.88 back in 2018. Ah, the good ol’ days! 🌊

In a recent X post, Raoul Pal announced that Ethereum has already hit the “full port” button, suggesting it’s primed for a rally so spectacular, it might make your socks spontaneously combust. 🧯 He even shared an ETH chart showing it had broken free from a long-term consolidation, like a prisoner escaping from a particularly tedious book club. But wait, there’s more! XRP, our underdog friend, is also gearing up for a massive breakout, akin to ETH’s recent escapades. It’s in the “full porting” process, which sounds suspiciously like a spaceship maneuvering for a warp jump. 🛸

Just in the past 12 hours, he sold 2,000 BTC-yes, 2,000!-worth a monstrous $221 million. And what did he do with that cash? Oh, he *obviously* spent it all on 49,850 ETH, which is now sitting in his wallet like a pride of greedy little Ethereum coins. 🐆

Now, corporations got themselves about 3.7% of all the ETH floating around out there. Bitmine’s sitting pretty on $7.81 billion worth, SharpLink trailing behind with a measly $3.48 billion. And ETH itself? Up 80% in two months, strutting around at $4,378 like it owns the place. Makes a man wonder – are these suits chasing the price like dogs after a meat wagon, or do they know where the bodies are buried? 🤔

Bitcoin (BTC), the king of all memes and memecoins, has decided to grace us with a 1.23% dip over the last 24 hours. Because, why not? 🤷‍♂️

So Julio Moreno, some big shot at CryptoQuant, tweets on August 29 that $112,000 is the magic number. Yes, the “magic number.” It’s like Bitcoin is at some weird crossroads-do you go up? Do you go down? It’s the crypto equivalent of waiting for a text back… and then staring at your phone like a lunatic. The “Trader Realized Price” (fancy term for what short-term Bitcoin holders paid) is sitting right around $112,200, which apparently is a big deal. Above that, folks feel rich and start buying more. Below that? Panic. Classic.

According to Farside Investors, a name that sounds suspiciously like a mutual fund run out of a region where Wi-Fi is considered witchcraft, Ethereum ETFs sprung a leak-$164 million oozed out, marking their first day of losses in almost a week. That’s impressive if you consider that, since mid-August, over $1.5 billion had been shovelled in by people presumably basing financial decisions on vibes and Reddit threads. 🤑

Convano, which traditionally painted nails with precision and floral motifs, is now scheming to hoard roughly 21,000 Bitcoin-about 0.1% of the entire digital currency universe-by 2027. Apparently, the yen is about as stable as a soap bubble, and the company thinks hoarding cryptocurrency might save its skin (and perhaps make a tidy profit while at it). 🧾💣

According to Bloomberg’s James Seyffart (yeah, I know, another Bloomberg guy), Canary Capital/Marinade, Franklin Templeton, and VanEck were first in line to file their updated forms. Then, like a bad sequel, Grayscale, 21Shares, Bitwise, Fidelity, and CoinShares jumped on the bandwagon. 🚂 Because nothing says “innovation” like everyone doing the same thing.

Enter Alex Spiro, a sleek, silver-tongued fox, whose legal acumen is as sharp as the Dogecoin community’s resolve. 🐾 Yet, the question lingers: is this a leap of faith or a leap into the abyss? 🌀