Crypto News

Back in 2018, our intrepid prognosticator declared Bitcoin would reach $250,000 within four years-a timeline as fleeting as a summer romance. Four years passed, then five, then six… yet Draper, like a particularly stubborn tumbleweed, clings to his forecast with the tenacity of a cat in a room full of laser pointers. 💀 Even the 2022 crash, which reduced Bitcoin to a weeping toddler at $16,000, could not extinguish his delusions of grandeur. “Progress!” he cries, as if the universe owes him a favor. 🕰️

Apparently, the launch was a masterstroke, luring swarms of new users into Gemini’s cozy digital lair, boosting its app above Coinbase in the U.S. App Store’s finance chart-a plot twist in an industry long held hostage by the giant. Meanwhile, Gemini’s clever minions teamed up with select retailers-probably those who still haven’t heard of QR codes-to promise up to 10% back in XRP. Immediate rewards, because who wants to wait for credits when you could be spending it all in a frenzy of impulsive delight? 🚀💳

Let’s plow through what the so-called experts are yapping about and the signs to watch, lest you get caught in the downpour. ☔

The next hour was a nuclear-level support test at $0.380, with 95.27 million tokens traded. Bulls: “We’re buying the dip!” Bears: “No, we’re not.” But somehow, XLM clawed back to $0.389 by nightfall. Survival of the fittest-or just desperate. 🤷♂️

The scene was more a pop concert than a caffeine run, and the ripple of online applause suggested that the fanbase, bordering on fanatic, cherished this display of undiluted enthusiasm. It’s as if the entire XRP community had decided to throw a parade in Schwartz’s honor, complete with coffee beans and digital currency landmarks.

On a sunny Monday, Kraken didn’t just bring donuts to a board meeting. No, they rolled up their sleeves and met with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission’s (SEC) Crypto Task Force to hash out how to make stocks as cool as your favorite meme. The agenda? A little chit-chat about their grand scheme for a tokenized trading system and the mountain of red tape that’s just waiting to trip them up. 📈😅

According to the wizards at DefiLlama (which sounds like a magical creature but is actually just data), top NFT projects are seeing their floor prices drop like a mic after a bad stand-up set. Pudgy Penguins, Bored Ape Yacht Club (BAYC), and Doodles are all nursing their digital bruises. 🦜🍹🎨

The token’s sharp rise came after Bithumb, one of South Korea’s leading exchanges, announced the altcoin’s official listing on its spot trading platform. *Sarcasm alert: What could possibly go wrong?* 💸

Read on if you’re curious who’s making bank. (Spoiler: probably not you. 😅)

Meanwhile, the big shots-those institutional whales-are busy watching their spreadsheets, but it turns out, it’s the retail warriors throwing a hissy fit. Data suggests they’re panicking faster than a cat in a bath, pulling funds out as if their lives depended on it, and not in a good way. This week’s outflow streak from Bitcoin ETFs is longer than a laundry list, reminiscent of April’s tariff-induced chaos. But here’s the twist: it’s the everyday folks, not the Wall Street suits, leading the charge with their emotional reactions. Because nothing screams “trust me” quite like a retail investor hitting panic mode at the first sign of turbulence.