Crypto News

Now, in the annals of banking lore, Custodia had applied for this grandiose item known as a Fed master account all the way back in 2020, dreaming of an ideal world where crypto banking cozied up nicely with the traditional variety. After a suspenseful 19-month wait, akin to a Victorian tea party noodling for cucumber sandwiches, the Fed denied the request in January 2023. The cause? Something about Custodia’s approach to risk management not quite quenching the Fed’s utmost meticulous thirst for financial stability. 😅

For decades, Japan has found itself in a most vexing predicament: what to do with all this power, generated by wind and sun, when no one actually requires it? Excess, you understand, is quite distasteful. Now, instead of simply… discarding it (a practice so utterly barbarous!), a large utility will direct this surplus into the very heart of the machine – into Bitcoin mining, of all things. A most peculiar solution, one might observe.🙄

The bill’s design was as simple as it was ambitious: to open the gates wide for crypto miners, shielding them from the prying eyes of local authorities. No more rules on how much power these digital treasure hunters could siphon nor regulations on the clamor they create-imagine that, neighborhoods echoing with the hum of machines chasing digital riches like restless ghosts. Also, no taxes to burden the miners-a true utopia, or so they claimed.

Schwartz, the maestro of the XRP Ledger, painted a picture of a financial utopia where intermediaries are as unnecessary as a monocle at a nudist beach. “XRP is a blockchain where people can be their own banks,” he declared, emphasizing Ripple’s mission to dismantle the financial aristocracy. What a refreshing thought in a world where banks often resemble Goliath more than David.

According to Santiment, the wise owl of analytics, traders now favor short positions more than they favor their morning coffee. The “Funding Rate,” as the cool kids call it, reflects the periodic monetary exchange among derivatives traders. Think of it as a financial soap opera where long holders pay short sellers, or vice versa, depending on the mood of the day.

In fact, MEXC proudly boasts that all user assets are 100% backed-yes, you read that right! You won’t find any sneaky business here, not a single cent unaccounted for. Proof of Reserves data is the hero we deserve, covering all major assets with a reassuring “we’ve got your back” guarantee. It’s like they’ve got more proof than a detective at a crime scene! 🔍💰

So, Pump Fun has unveiled something called “Spotlight.” Apparently, it’s designed to…elevate the Internet Capital Markets (ICM). Sounds important. 🤔 It’s specifically for those dedicated utility token projects, the kind that promise the world and deliver… well, sometimes a world of hurt. But Pump Fun claims this will make them more visible and liquefy things. Liquefy! Is that even a word in crypto? They’re essentially trying to make tokenization seem like a sensible idea. A truly Herculean task. 🙄

AI innovation, Solana expansion, and an overabundance of hype are driving ai16Z’s explosive ascent-it’s no joke!

On a damp Friday, Bloomberg dropped a bombshell (or a teakettle): global regulators are “in talks” to possibly overhaul crypto rules set for 2026. The US, ever the masterstroke at leading from behind, is somehow leading the charge against old rules due to… shockwaves… the stablecoin surge. One imagines this as a tennis match where the ball is named “regulatory reform.”

“On X, we just rebuilt the entire messaging stack into what’s called ‘X Chat,’” said Musk during The Joe Rogan Experience podcast, which aired on Friday. One might say he’s “rebuilding” with the enthusiasm of a man who’s just discovered the concept of “privacy.” 🤯