Crypto News

It appears the Foundation has kicked into high gear, promising to match community donations up to that hefty spondulicks-doubling down on their support for privacy and open-source shenanigans. The legal eagle handling Storm’s case shared the news with the enthusiasm of a cat in a litter box: “The @ethereumfndn has generously offered to match up to $500k in further donations to support Roman’s legal aid.” Cheers all around! 🍾

It appears Coinbase, in a most daring act of innovation, has introduced within its hallowed app a “Decentralized Exchange” (or DEX, for the uninitiated), whereby a select group of U.S. users-minus those formidable New Yorkers-can now swap Base-native tokens with as much speed as Lady Catherine might lend a sharp retort. This new feature, a hybrid of sorts, promises to marry the swift convenience of a well-managed banquet with the expansive diversity of DeFi’s wildest markets. Truly, a feat worthy of note-if only for the audacity.

It seems our friends at Paxos weren’t exactly on top of things when it came to their buddy Binance. The NYDFS is alleging that Paxos didn’t do its homework and let some shady stuff slip through the cracks, especially in the anti-money laundering department. Oopsie daisy! 🙈

Several layer-2 networks have also been the beneficiaries of ETH’s recent ascent. Ethereum scaling solution Optimism’s native token (OP) rose 8% in the past 24 hours, cementing a weekly gain of 13%. Rival network Blast also experienced an uptick of 6.3%, perhaps feeling a bit jealous of Optimism’s success. 😅

So here’s the deal: IntoTheBlock’s bulls-and-bears indicator-basically the dating app for large buyers and sellers-is showing some serious favoritism toward the bulls. There are 77 bulls versus 67 bears. That’s a difference of 10 whole bulls, which is basically an entire herd in cryptocurrency terms. 🐄💪 A net positive means more big buyers than sellers, signaling confidence in the current price trend. Or maybe they all just really love memes. Who knows?

In a press release that landed on crypto.news like a gooseberry pie in a bureaucrat’s lap, Nansen announced its union with Metis Andromeda, Ethereum’s permissionless Layer-2 darling. On August 8, no less-a date as arbitrary as a nose in the middle of a face. 🍰 The AI-powered lens of Nansen now scrutinizes Metis’ every move, turning fragmented datasets into a crystal-clear ballet of transactions. Oh, the drama of it all!

It sprang back from the low point at 16:00 UTC on August 7th, seeming quite spirited, as it advanced toward the European dawn. During this lively phase, an astounding volume surged above 1.09 trillion tokens-more than the entire county of Hertfordshire-yet, alas, the momentum was soon hamstrung at $0.00002640. Repeated sellers, like meddlesome matrons at a dance, kept pushing it back.

Imagine, if you will, that the prices of Bitcoin and Ethereum have risen by nearly 2% and 6%, respectively, as if by some magical force! This surge is the direct consequence of Trump’s stroke of genius-a decree allowing the humble 401(K) accounts to invest in cryptocurrencies! Ah, the 401(K), that noble savings plan, a mighty $12 trillion market now opened to the wonders of digital gold!

With a sneaky little glitch in their multi-sig wallet (imagine a treasure chest with a few loose screws), the bad guys-who we’ll call the “Digital Mischief Makers”-waltzed right in and snapped up admin and bridge permissions like kids raiding a candy store. 🍬💥 They then minted some *absolutely unbacked tokens* – fancy monopoly money with no real value – and drained the liquidity pools faster than you can say “bankruptcy!” 💸🕳️

Imagine: you press your phone, your face is scanned by a cold digital eye, and-presto-bitcoins (or their cousins) materialize, requiring nothing so tiresome as typing. A thousand accountants grumble, watching their “manual entry” expertise evaporate. OKX, of course, claims this is a stride toward “simplicity and accessibility.” How it warms the heart! What could be easier than trading something you don’t quite understand, with money you barely possess, by waving a device you’re constantly losing?