David Sacks, the White House’s crypto maestro, declared on X that the illustrious Donald Trump has inked two decrees so bold, they could make Molière himself roll in his grave (or perhaps write a new play). These orders, he claims, will revolutionize banking, retirement, and the very soul of American finance.
Bitcoin found a cozy spot near $112,200, decided to do a little dance and climb past $113,500 and $114,800 – quite the upgrade! 💃
Our dear Hedera [HBAR], in its latest theatrical appearance, has theatrically slinked below the Value Area High at $0.264. This was charted (oh, the suspense!) via the Fixed Range Volume Profile, covering everything from the beginning of the year to today’s antics.
Behold, dear reader, the blockchain’s heart pounds with frenzied transactions, a symphony of digital gold. Ethereum [ETH], that elusive specter, has danced upward 8% this week, reclaiming its throne after a brief dalliance with $3,941. One might call it a phoenix rising from the ashes-or perhaps a cat with 8% more tail. 🐾
Still, there’s a rumor, passed from screen to cracked screen, that 174 million coins could tumble out of escrow like loose oats from a torn sack. If those July warrants wake up hungry, the buying could surge and the price might straighten its back and walk tall again. Till then the $0.95 wall squats in the road like an ornery mule, stubborn and unmoved, kicking sideways every hopeful tick that tries to pass. You watch the wall long enough, you start to talk to it. Mostly it laughs. 😂
Tether, that bold money-handling outfit, has gone and bought itself a tiny piece of Bit2Me’s pie, and is throwing in a cool €30 million to boot. Rumor has it, the deal’s closing faster than a bull at a rodeo. This gives Bit2Me the trots to gallop across the European plains and beyond, expanding faster than a Texas prairie fire.
In the recent trading sessions, Bitcoin (BTC) has been showing off its dance moves, demonstrating strong upward momentum across multiple timeframes. As of August 7, 2025, BTC hit an intraday high of $116,848, all while enjoying a 24-hour trading volume of $35.09 billion and a total market cap of $2.32 trillion. Quite the party, wouldn’t you say? 🎉
In a recent update, Union Jack Oil, the UK’s favorite energy company (or so they say), announced a preliminary agreement with Texas-based 360 Energy. The plan? To mine Bitcoin at their West Newton gas field. Because why not, right? 🤷♀️
One moment, the XRP ETF was sailing smoothly like a well-oiled yacht on a calm sea, with approval odds at a hearty 87%. But then, like a sudden squall, Crenshaw’s negative statement sent the odds plummeting below 55%. However, the market, ever the resilient spirit, has since climbed back up to a respectable 86%. It seems the market has decided to ignore the grumpy commissioner and focus on the sunny side of things. ☀️📈
Paxos found itself not only clutching a $22 million bill (“That’s one expensive lecture in bureaucracy!” muttered an intern), but also vowing to reinforce its compliance castle with all the latest anti-wizardry spells… er, systems. “Yes, yes, some cobwebs under the rug, but the spiders have long since packed up and moved to friendlier jurisdictions,” the firm explained, probably while winking furiously.