As the U.S. embassy in Iraq becomes a casualty of Iran’s theatrical flair, the crypto world watches in horror. The strikes on Kharg Island, a mere flicker of American resolve, have sent oil prices soaring to $106, as if the very earth were conspiring to crush digital dreams. The Strait of Hormuz, that vital chokepoint, now stands closed, a grim reminder of humanity’s penchant for self-destruction.
The crypto train has left the station, and these two banks are sprinting after it in loafers, waving white flags made of spreadsheets. On March 15th, they announced their collaboration, which involves turning stablecoins into a “growth engine.” Because nothing says “future-proof” like combining the words “engine” and “stablecoin” in the same sentence. The ceremony took place at Hana’s HQ, where executives exchanged pleasantries and stared at each other like two confused hedgehogs debating whether to roll into a single, prickly ball.
Something is stirring, and the ever-prudent stablecoins may have anticipated it with the elegance of a seer at a masquerade.
Simultaneously, the Altcoin Season Index, that fickle barometer of hope and folly, hath returned to its January heights. This, dear reader, hath kindled whispers of an altseason in March, despite the world teetering on the edge of geopolitical absurdity.
Tokens leaving the exchange often meant one thing: somebody wanted them safe in a corner, tucked away like canned peaches in the pantry. They weren’t going to be sold on a whim, not today, not tomorrow. It was as if the holders were saying, with a wink, “We’ll hold onto this treasure while you others fight over scraps.” Confidence, or sheer stubbornness? Maybe both.
These self-proclaimed “Europe’s First Bitcoin Treasury Company” also bragged about their year-to-date BTC yield of 0.29%, which is roughly as exciting as watching paint dry but hey, tiny treasure counts!
He pointed to a pattern in Bitcoin that mirrors one described in a well-known 1934 book by Richard W. Schabacker.
In a memo with a title so dramatic, it almost demands a full orchestra to accompany its reading, “How Bitcoin Gets to $1 Million,” Hougan boldly asserts that many analysts fail to grasp Bitcoin’s true potential. According to him, they do so by treating the global store-of-value market as though it were an immovable mountain, impervious to the winds of change. What they fail to recognize, he suggests, is that Bitcoin-oh, this digital wonder-has the potential to rise like a phoenix from the ashes of traditional investment instruments like gold.
Apparently, Bitcoin’s hitting $74,000. Great. Just what the world needs-another reason for my nephew to lecture me about crypto while I’m trying to enjoy my brisket. And don’t even get me started on Grayscale selling like it’s going out of style. Spoiler alert: it’s not.
With the ambition of a man who’s never held a broom but insists on sweeping the world, Strategy aims to amass 1 million Bitcoin by December 31. This requires acquiring 6,158 BTC weekly-a feat that would make Sisyphus weep. At $85,000 per coin, this £22.2 billion escapade demands a level of fiscal optimism usually reserved for tax refunds. As of last Monday, they’ve hoarded 738,731 BTC, having recently added 17,994 coins to their collection. One wonders if they’ve considered investing in a hobby.
