Crypto News

Analyst Miles Deutscher, who may or may not sleep in a bed made of Chainlink tokens, says the rally is thanks to a beautiful cluster of market drama.

after cheerfully ignoring the “Do Not Feed the Bulls” sign, galloped up to $124,500, smashing the universal previous record (much to the horror of surrounding plate glass windows). Celebratory memes were minted, victory tweets flecked with fireworks were dispatched, and somewhere a small but vocal subreddit held hands and attempted the Macarena.

Armstrong claims this shift will be gradual, like watching paint dry but with more spreadsheets. Big companies will lead the charge, using blockchain to raise capital, while smaller businesses will eventually follow, kicking and screaming, because FOMO is a hell of a drug. 🚀💼

First, imagine this: governments-the same entities that once frowned upon Bitcoin-are now considering buying it by the truckload. Oui, you heard correctly! While ETFs and corporations have been busy hoarding BTC like squirrels preparing for winter, sovereign nations have been… well, napping. But whispers from central banks, particularly in the Czech Republic, suggest they may wake up soon. Will they buy Bitcoin to diversify their reserves or just to irritate gold? Only time will tell. 🤔

June’s rise was the financial equivalent of a polite cough-zero monthly increase and 2.4% on the year. July, conversely, was that cough from an opera singer – loud, dramatic, and impossible to ignore, reminding everyone that inflation at the wholesale level is like trying to keep damp socks dry: it just doesn’t work.

For nearly a week, Stellar [XLM] has been engaged in a dance of indecision, mirroring the bullish patterns of its neighbor, Ripple [XRP]. Yet, one cannot help but wonder if this is a prelude to a grander performance or merely a fleeting flirtation with fate. 😏

Ether, too, danced its own tragic ballet, brushing against its 2021 high of $4,791.19 before tripping over U.S. wholesale inflation data. The markets, ever the drama queens, screamed, “Sell! Sell! Sell!” and down they went, like a circus act gone wrong. 🤡📉

0.9 %-a figure that economists, poor loves, had mis-read by a cool 0.7 %. 📊

In his latest “strategy session” (read: YouTube rant to 83,800 wide-eyed subscribers), Svenson reckons ETH could rally by 66% to 200% from its current level. Because, you know, Fibonacci levels. Or as I like to call them, “fancy math that makes my head spin.” 🌀

After a bullish sprint, BONK now pirouettes into a “healthy correction,” retreating toward support like a man returning to his ex’s doorstep. This confluence zone, a sacred trinity of technical indicators, could spark a reversal-or a spectacular implosion. The future remains a mystery, wrapped in candlestick charts. 🕯️