Crypto News

Because apparently, someone decided blockchain accounting needed a little more drama. 🎭

The $BTC price, like a drunkard teetering between two lamp posts, now approaches the convergence of a downtrend born of hubris ($126,000, that cursed peak) and an ascending trendline, a feeble hope from October 2023. One must yield, and soon, lest the weekend’s curtain call become a farcical tragedy. Yet the price, ever the jester, slips once more beneath the trendline-a jest or omen? Perhaps both, for markets thrive on irony.

Locals awoke to find the sites as accessible as a closed bakery on a Sunday morning. CryptoMoon, ever the intrepid sleuth, confirmed the outage wasn’t a glitch but a statement. The National Telecommunications Commission, armed with a list of 50 “unauthorized” platforms from the central bank, directed ISPs to play bouncer. A full list? Naturally, it remains a mystery novel with an unwritten finale. 🕵️‍♂️

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With marvelously opaque deciphering, Tapiero assures us that Bitcoin will be everyone’s treasure at the end of the rainbow, catching up to some obscure explosion in precious metals (who’s counting lunar cycles? this year!).

But don’t get too emotional. This move reduces the total supply from a billion tokens down to something slightly less absurd, and it makes the token’s valuation look a tad more humble. According to the hyper-enthusiasts, 85% of voting stakeholders nodded along like bobbleheads, saying, “Yes, burn those tokens!” (because what could possibly go wrong?).

This growing gap has left traders scratching their heads like a cat trying to solve calculus. Can Bitcoin recover and dance back into the spotlight, or is it destined to fade into the background like a forgotten lullaby?

So, apparently, the whole “quantum computers are going to destroy Bitcoin” panic isn\’t exactly…new. BitMEX Research, which sounds terribly important and probably involves people in dark suits, has done a retrospective. A retrospective! As if Bitcoin needs analysing like it\’s a problematic relationship. 🙄

Market experts are all nervously chewing their nails, whispering warnings about a sneaky collapse hiding behind this shiny spectacle. They’re shouting, “Trust in your banks? Ha! That’s as reliable as a chocolate teapot!” Meanwhile, the crypto folks are scratching their heads, wondering if this glittering gold rush might someday turn into a Bitcoin bonanza in 2026. 🤔💰

Amplify, a digital asset manager, has introduced two new stablecoins and tokenization-based exchange-traded funds (ETFs), Amplify Stablecoin Technology ETF (STBQ) and Amplify Tokenization Technology ETF (TKNQ), to its portfolio in the rapidly expanding blockchain industry. A dazzling spectacle of financial alchemy! 🌀