Crypto News

The market, once bleeding from the weekend’s carnage, now stirs with feeble signs of life. Yes, the great selloff-one of history’s most grotesque-was triggered by the mad oracle, President Trump, who, in his infinite wisdom, declared 100% tariffs on Chinese imports and export controls on software. Bitcoin (BTC), that proud flagship of the crypto fleet, plummeted to a low of $102,000 on Binance, only to claw its way back to $110,000. Yet, like a phoenix from the ashes of its own hubris, it now trades at $115,305, up over 3%. A pittance, you say? Nay, it is the stuff of hope-or delusion. 🤡💰

A daily close breakneck above $24, hand in hand with a lowly Exchange Supply Ratio and whales still huggin’ LINK like a long-lost kin, could really stretch this ol’ rally. 🚀

With a Monday pronouncement from the governor’s office, the chap signed several bills into law – veritable feasts for the inkwell, what? The aim? To compel platforms to trot out age verification gizmos, protocols for tackling suicide and self-harm woes, and stern warnings for those companion chatbots. And the AI bill, SB 243, hatched by state Senators Steve Padilla and Josh Becker back in January, is the pièce de résistance, my word.

This annum, CEX spot volumes plummeted 27.7% like a drunken astronaut, while DEX shenanigans ballooned 25.3%. Henley, that bastion of obscurity, tallied over 240,000 crypto millionaires world-wide, because nothing says ‘wealth’ like invisible pixels. With digital treasuries and bureaucratic behemoths flooding the scene with billions, the burning question for 2026 isn’t merely ‘where doth the capital floweth,’ but which pesky on-chain metrics will most faithfully predict the market’s next drunken lurch. 🙃💸

As of Oct. 12, Bitmine’s (NYSE American: BMNR) combined crypto, cash, and “moonshot” investments total $13.4 billion, including 3,032,188 ETH valued at $4,154 per coin, 192 bitcoin (BTC), $135 million in Eightco Holdings (Nasdaq: ORBS), and $104 million in unencumbered cash.

Yet, a formidable resistance looms near the $1.8 mark, a veritable dragon guarding the castle-if the bold bulls should vanquish it, the rally might continue its merry dance in short order. 😏

Now, let’s talk about this oh-so-familiar “false breakdown” pattern. Sounds like a bad rom-com, doesn’t it? But don’t worry, Trader Tardigrade has your back. This savvy chart wizard points out that ETH has a habit of faking us out with a breakdown, then suddenly bounces back like it’s got a secret stash of energy drinks. The pattern looks like this: Breakdown, Reclaim, and BOOM – Rally! 🎉

The illustrious BitMine Technologies (BMNR) made waves last week, buying up what can only be described as ethereal leftovers after the crypto price dip, adding a sumptuous 202,037 tokens (or roughly $828 million if you care about earthly currencies) to its burgeoning treasure chest, as reported on a rather ordinary Monday.

The legislative document, crafted with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, mentions that Hong Kong is knocking on China’s door, asking for a little help with this wild idea. The goal? To develop stablecoins tied to the RMB that could settle cross-border trades and, hold onto your wallets, streamline digital payments. We know, it sounds like something straight out of a dystopian future where your payment options come with a side of government surveillance.