On a Tuesday dull with the weight of bureaucracy, a ripple was cast across the quiet pond of legal proceedings: a Chinese creditor, stirring like Pierre before a duel, came forth to challenge the command of the FTX estate. The order in question—a motion to put an impatient pause on payouts to those ensnared by the iron shackles of jurisdictions with crypto restrictions—was now itself under siege. Truly, courtrooms are the new battlefields, and lawyers the generals, ever armed with coffee and unwarranted certitude.
Weiwei Ji, a soul with the foresight to reside in Singapore yet cursed by accident of passport to bear the mark ‘Chinese creditor,’ submitted a protest. To their banner rallied a swelling legion—more than 300 determined creditors united, if not by homeland, then by spreadsheet entry. All, apparently, share the common lot of wanting their money and preferring it sooner rather than “when the laws change.”
Their objection, penned with the certainty one adopts before their third cup of tea, advances two main arguments:
First, that FTX settlements are paid in US dollars—a currency as familiar as the peasants’ ruble yet twice as likely to buy a cup of stale coffee (or a monkey JPEG).
Second, that cryptocurrency, much maligned and misunderstood, is in fact legal in China—as digital assets are as much “personal property” there as a samovar in a Moscow kitchen or a half-read Tolstoy volume in a student’s bag.
“My family, loyal to the rules, holds four KYC-verified accounts with claims worth a princely sum of $15 million USD,” Ji insists, possibly sighing like Natasha pre-ballroom. “We have danced every minuet and waltz demanded by procedure. Now, with a stroke of a pen, the estate proposes to deprive us, arbitrarily and inequitably, of what is rightfully ours—truly, life in the modern age.”
The FTX Estate’s Epic Motion: Bureaucracy with a Side of Dread 🚧
The FTX Estate, perhaps seeking solace in paperwork, filed its motion on July 2, suggesting all would be chaos should crypto cross into forbidden lands. The adversaries? Not Cossacks, but—brace yourself—legal restrictions, fines, penalties, and even the possibility of prison for unwary directors. The fear of a director breaking rocks in Moldova must haunt boardrooms everywhere.
The tabla of forbidden realms numbers 49—an odd parliament of countries including Russia, Egypt, Afghanistan, Tunisia, Zimbabwe, Ukraine, Moldova, and of course, the ever-present China. (One imagines a meeting of creditors in a Moldovan basement, sipping tea, wondering what exactly a virtual asset is supposed to look like.)
The example of Moldova is invoked, where, evidently, providing virtual asset services is a criminal offense. One struggles to imagine the authorities raiding an office for digital assets, valiantly seizing laptops and half-eaten lunches, but bureaucracy will have its victories.
Repayments began on February 18, a number perhaps chosen for its auspiciousness or convenience, with members of the ‘convenience class’ first to enjoy these fruits, if one may call them that. The amounts? Calculated based on digital asset values at the time of FTX’s grand collapse in November 2022. Those who held on for dear life since then have not failed to notice the irony, nor have they ceased grumbling in the digital taverns of the Internet. 😐💸
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2025-07-10 01:15