Coinbase CEO: Wall Street’s Crypto Skepticism is Like Asking a Horse What It Thinks of Cars

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Key Highlights (Or, as I Like to Call Them, The CliffsNotes for the Impatient)

  • Brian Armstrong, the man who probably has more acronyms after his name than a government agency, claims Coinbase is stuck in a classic innovator’s dilemma-because nothing says “innovation” like explaining blockchain to your grandparents.
  • Apparently, half of Wall Street is now crypto-curious, with five GSIB banks cozying up to Coinbase. The other half is still trying to figure out how to fax a Bitcoin.
  • Armstrong insists Coinbase is the underdog Wall Street doesn’t understand, pointing out they’re profitable even when the market’s moodier than a teenager. Also, GAAP figures? More misleading than a cat’s apology.

Brian Armstrong, the CEO of Coinbase (or as I like to call him, the Crypto Whisperer), recently took a break from decoding blockchain to school Wall Street on why they’re about as forward-thinking as a rotary phone. According to Armstrong, Wall Street’s skepticism toward crypto is just the latest episode in the never-ending series, “Old Guard vs. New Kid on the Block.”

When asked why Coinbase is “misunderstood or under-appreciated” by Wall Street-a question that probably made him sigh louder than a deflating balloon-Armstrong didn’t hold back. “It’s a classic innovator’s dilemma,” he said, presumably while adjusting his disruptor cape. “We’re like Uber, but for money. And Wall Street is the taxi driver who just spilled coffee on his last customer.”

Armstrong went on to explain that the financial world is splitting into two camps: the crypto-curious and the crypto-confused. “The smartest traditional finance firms are leaning in,” he said, “while the others are still trying to figure out how to pronounce ‘NFT.’” He noted that five of the GSIB banks are now working with Coinbase, which is like watching your grandparents finally figure out how to text-awkward but endearing.

But not everyone on Wall Street is ready to trade their suits for hoodies. “They’re skeptical because it feels like a threat,” Armstrong said, “which is human nature. It’s like asking a horse what it thinks of cars. Spoiler: the horse is not a fan.”

To drive his point home, Armstrong compared crypto’s reception to other disruptive technologies. “You don’t ask Blockbuster what they think of Netflix,” he quipped. “You don’t ask a fax machine what it thinks of email. And you definitely don’t ask Wall Street what it thinks of crypto-unless you enjoy watching people squirm.”

Despite the skepticism, Armstrong is confident Coinbase is in its prime. “We’ve never been in a stronger position,” he declared, probably while flexing his metaphorical biceps. “We’re diversifying revenue streams, regulatory clarity is emerging, and even governments are jumping on the bandwagon. It’s like a crypto renaissance, but with fewer tights and more spreadsheets.”

He also took a moment to school investors on why they should stop fixating on short-term earnings. “GAAP figures are like a funhouse mirror,” he said. “They make you look distorted. Adjusted figures? Now that’s the real you-profitable, even in a down market. Spoiler: we’re killing it, and many headlines got it wrong.”

Armstrong wrapped up by thanking the analysts for their questions and reiterating his stance: “The smartest ones will embrace crypto. The laggards? Well, they’ll be left behind-probably still trying to figure out how to fax a Bitcoin.”

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2026-02-18 07:49