Gather round, darling spectators, for a glimpse of drama as rich as Christmas pudding and twice as sticky. Brian Armstrong, Coinbase’s suavely bald CEO, has offered his thoughts on the UK’s genteel yanking of his crypto firm’s latest musical advertisement from British television. Evidently, someone in regulatory cuffs found the spectacle about as welcome as a jazz band at a funeral.
On his digital chaise longue (the social platform formerly known as Twitter, now suffocatingly called “X”-I know, darling, how chic), Armstrong twirled his pen to declare that the ad was less agitprop, more gentle nudge at the venerable British finance system teetering about in its moth-eaten waistcoat. Regulators, he suggested, mistook it for a rowdy political skirmish, or simply have a severe allergy to cryptocurrency-and a fondness for misinterpretation.
“Our ad which got banned in the UK by the TV networks has sparked quite a reaction. If you can’t say it, then there must be a kernel of truth in it. Needing to update the system and improve society is not a political statement on either party in the UK (some have tried to turn it into this). And it’s not specific to the UK (we ran ads with similar themes in the US).
It’s a statement about how the traditional financial system is not working for many people and how crypto represents a way to improve that. There are people in the UK who still think of crypto as some kind of gambling product (a very outdated view), and have completely missed the potential of crypto which is to update and improve the financial system for the benefit of everyone. We welcome the attacks and any other attempts to censor this message, as it just helps it spread.”
Which is rather a poetic way of saying, “If you can’t handle the message, simply shoot the messenger-or, in this case, snip his mustachioed ad from the airwaves.”
Armstrong, ever the tease, neglects to name the particular finger-wagging authority responsible for this slap on the wrist. The suspected culprit: Clearcast, an organisation charged with ensuring British telly remains as risk-free as unsalted porridge.
The banned opus is a two-minute musical extravaganza called “Everything Is Fine,” a title so dripping with irony it requires an umbrella. The spectacle cheerfully depicts a Britain mired in rising food bills, collapsing civil infrastructure, and an exodus to Dubai-a subtle ditty, clearly.
Clearcast, bless them, responded with knitted brow and pursed lips:
“Clearcast reviewed a pre-production script and rough cut for this advert. We considered that it presented cryptocurrency as a potential solution to economic challenges, without sufficient evidence for this claim or any warnings about the potential volatility and risks. We concluded that it did not comply with the BCAP code [UK code of broadcast advertising] and advised that we could not approve this approach.”
Coinbase, meanwhile, must be feeling a sense of déjà vu, having already tangoed with the Advertising Standards Agency back in 2021 after a spot was deemed “misleading.”
But as Noël would pipe from the grand piano, there’s no such thing as bad publicity-especially when the establishment recoils. On with the show, darlings! 💃🍸
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2025-08-05 17:11