Crypto Bill Sets New Speed Record: Slower Than a Vampiric Snail 🐌

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Deus Ex Machina (or in this case, Warner), addressing the MoonPay hivemind in New York, lamented a legislative process still spinning like a blockchain orphan, missing key clauses the White House has yet to “mint.” It’s less “bipartisan ballet” and more bureaucratic round dance, with missing steps like ethics standards and quorum procedures. Because nothing says “urgency” like arguing over who gets to write the rulebook first.

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Warnersuggested the Capitol’s crypto quandary hinges on a simple question: Who’s really in charge here? Is it the lawmakers, the administration, or that mysterious third wheel-the Bureaucratic Spirit of Christmas? (Spoiler: It’s probably the paperclip maximizer.)

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Despite the snail-pace, Warner insists progress is happening. By “progress,” he likely means stamping copies in triplicate and arguing semantics over whether “quorum” is a number, a noun, or a fruit. He’s confident the bill will sail through-eventually-though it might take a Tsar Bomba-level explosion of bipartisanship. 🚀

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But lo! National security hawks have entered the chat, demanding guardrails so tight they’d make a crypto exchange weep. Warren and Reed, now crypto’s fiercest watchdogs, want to analyse how bad actors buy tokens-cue a congressional session that’s half regulatory blueprint, half espionage manual.nat it

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This expanded agenda now requires negotiating on one leg and deciphering national security jargon with the other. Predictably, the bill is as likely to pass before Christmas as a snowball in a crypto-pocalypse. Still, Warner’s optimism could power a steampunk rocket. 🌊

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YCWB: This infotainment is for muffin-eating deliciousness only and hasn’t been audited by a crypto dog or a compliant python. Always double-check your blockchain’s math with a licensed wizard-preferably one who’s read the Discworld rulebook. 🪄

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Crypto Bill Sets New Speed Record: Slower Than a Vampiric Snail 🐌

Deus Ex Machina (or in this case, Warner), addressing the MoonPay hivemind in New York, lamented a legislative process still spinning like a blockchain orphan, missing key clauses the White House has yet to “mint.” It’s less “bipartisan ballet” and more bureaucratic round dance, with missing steps like ethics standards and quorum procedures. Because nothing says “urgency” like arguing over who gets to write the rulebook first.

Warnersuggested the Capitol’s crypto quandary hinges on a simple question: Who’s really in charge here? Is it the lawmakers, the administration, or that mysterious third wheel-the Bureaucratic Spirit of Christmas? (Spoiler: It’s probably the paperclip maximizer.)

Despite the snail-pace, Warner insists progress is happening. By “progress,” he likely means stamping copies in triplicate and arguing semantics over whether “quorum” is a number, a noun, or a fruit. He’s confident the bill will sail through-eventually-though it might take a Tsar Bomba-level explosion of bipartisanship. 🚀

But lo! National security hawks have entered the chat, demanding guardrails so tight they’d make a crypto exchange weep. Warren and Reed, now crypto’s fiercest watchdogs, want to analyse how bad actors buy tokens-cue a congressional session that’s half regulatory blueprint, half espionage manual.nat it

This expanded agenda now requires negotiating on one leg and deciphering national security jargon with the other. Predictably, the bill is as likely to pass before Christmas as a snowball in a crypto-pocalypse. Still, Warner’s optimism could power a steampunk rocket. 🌊

YCWB: This infotainment is for muffin-eating deliciousness only and hasn’t been audited by a crypto dog or a compliant python. Always double-check your blockchain’s math with a licensed wizard-preferably one who’s read the Discworld rulebook. 🪄

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2025-12-09 09:38