Crypto Chaos! 😱 Trump, Hacks & Record Highs

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Oh, crypto. Really. One would think after all these years, the chaps involved might have a slightly better grasp of things. But no. This week’s performance has been, shall we say, bracing. Bitcoin, naturally, decided to have a little flutter and reached a positively giddy $123,000. Corporate types, ever the sheep, piled in, even when the price resembled a particularly ambitious soufflé. 🙄

And then, as if on cue, the villains arrived. President Trump, proving he still enjoys a bit of attention, signed a stablecoin law. One imagines he simply enjoys the spectacle. JPMorgan, ever the pragmatist, seems to be cautiously sniffing around digital dollars, while Australia has decided crypto is simply dreadful and a breeding ground for financial miscreants. How terribly predictable. But the real drama? Exchanges being relieved of vast sums of money, naturally. 💸

Oh, and Ripple’s Chris Larsen is shuffling about rather large amounts of XRP. One wonders what he’s up to? Probably nothing terribly exciting, one assumes. Do read on, if you must, for a perfectly dreary recap of it all.

CoinDCX faces $44 million security compromise

  • Apparently, an Indian exchange called CoinDCX discovered its servers weren’t quite as secure as one might hope. A most unfortunate state of affairs.
  • The CEO confirmed a loss of $44 million, attributing it to a “sophisticated server breach.” Sophisticated, darling? Or simply careless? 🤔
  • A fellow named ZachXBT, a blockchain detective of sorts, spotted the trouble about 17 hours after it began. A bit slow on the uptake, wouldn’t you say?

Trump enacts major stablecoin legislation

  • The GENIUS Act, signed by the former President, is apparently the first serious attempt to regulate stablecoins in the U.S. A touch late to the party, perhaps?

Ripple executive transfers substantial XRP holdings

  • Chris Larsen decided to move $26 million worth of XRP to Coinbase, in rather neat little packages. A bit ostentatious, wouldn’t you agree?
  • And then, for good measure, he transferred another $40 million to…well, somewhere. Mysterious! 🕵️

Australia designates cryptocurrency as priority financial crime concern

  • Australia’s financial intelligence agency has decided crypto is a menace. A sensible position, really. One might even say, overdue.

Coinbase launches comprehensive Base mobile application

  • Coinbase has rebranded its mobile app. It’s now an “everything app” for blockchain things. Good heavens.

Roger Ver challenges Spanish extradition ruling

  • “Bitcoin Jesus” himself is having a legal spat with Spain. Apparently, extradition is a bother. Who knew?

BigONE suffers security breech

  • Another exchange, BigONE (based in the Seychelles, naturally), lost a substantial amount of funds to hackers. Really, one would think they’d learn.

JPMorgan chief to embrace stablecoins?

  • Jamie Dimon, that champion of cautious banking, is hinting at dabbling in stablecoins. The world is truly upside down.

Strategy accumulates additional Bitcoin

  • Someone has purchased an awful lot of Bitcoin. Rather a lot, actually.

Bitcoin establishes new price record above $123,000

  • As predicted, Bitcoin decided to break another record. One almost feels sorry for those who missed the boat. Almost. 🥂

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2025-07-21 00:17