Crypto Chaos: Trump’s CFTC Chair Pick Stalled by Winklevoss Twins’ Whims 😏

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The White House, that grand theater of bureaucratic farce, is rumored to be scouring the land for fresh pro-crypto specimens to helm the Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC), as poor Brian Quintenz’s confirmation languishes like a forgotten banana peel in the Oval Office wastebasket.

A Parade of Crypto-Curious Contenders

On Thursday, Bloomberg-ever the diligent chronicler of political melodramas-reported that the Trump administration, in its infinite wisdom, is allegedly considering other candidates for the CFTC throne. Sources, who presumably whispered this while hiding behind potted ferns, suggest Quintenz’s confirmation delay has sparked a delightful scramble.

While the White House has not formally abandoned Quintenz (yet), a fresh crop of hopefuls has sprouted like mushrooms after rain. Among them: Michael Selig, the SEC’s Crypto Task Force chief counsel (a title almost as thrilling as his LinkedIn bio), and Tyler Williams, counselor to Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent on digital asset policy (because nothing says “financial revolution” like a guy named Tyler).

Meanwhile, the CFTC-ostensibly a five-person commission but currently operating with the efficiency of a unicycle missing a wheel-is down to acting Chairman Caroline Pham, who is presumably counting the days until she can flee this bureaucratic circus.

Previous reports claim the agency is struggling to function amid the leadership void. “Turmoil continues,” Bloomberg lamented in August, as if describing a particularly chaotic episode of House of Cards. The White House, ever the optimist, insists there is no chaos-just “revitalization.” How charming.

The Winklevoss Twins Strike Again

The CFTC’s leadership limbo began in July when the Senate Agriculture Committee, in a move as predictable as a soap opera cliffhanger, delayed Quintenz’s confirmation vote. Rumor has it the White House itself requested the pause after Tyler and Cameron Winklevoss-Gemini’s dynamic duo of crypto bros-allegedly whispered sweet nothings into Trump’s ear about Quintenz being insufficiently “disruptive.”

In August, a chorus of crypto organizations penned a love letter to Trump, extolling Quintenz’s virtues. “He is uniquely prepared!” they gushed, as if auditioning for a Hallmark movie. Alas, their pleas fell on ears distracted by louder, shinier things.

Last week, Quintenz-ever the drama queen-leaked private messages with the Winklevoss twins, suggesting Trump had been “misled.” Winklevoss, ever the diplomat, was “disappointed and surprised” by Quintenz’s response. (Translation: He did not bow deeply enough.)

Quintenz, ever the loyal foot soldier, pledged to support Trump’s agenda “in whatever capacity,” proving once again that in Washington, loyalty is just another word for “please don’t fire me.”

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2025-09-20 13:24