Crypto’s Big Relief? Senate’s Secret Deal to End Shutdown! 🚀💸

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Oh, finally! The crypto market might get a break from its drama-filled hiatus after the US Senate struck a deal to end the government shutdown. 🎉💸 (But let’s not get too excited-this could still go sideways.)

Legislation to fund the government has enough support to pass the 60-vote threshold. Yikes, that’s like a Netflix original series-unpredictable but somehow always on. 📺

John Thune, the Senate’s most persistent player, made his 15th attempt to convince Democrats to back a House-approved bill. Who needs sleep when you can chase a government shutdown? 🤷♂️

An official vote is still needed. Because nothing says “I’m a responsible adult” like leaving the final decision to a group of people who can’t agree on a coffee order. ☕

Uncertainty over the government’s reopening has been the crypto market’s worst nightmare. It’s like trying to invest in a game of Russian roulette with a loaded gun labeled “Bitcoin.” ⚠️

Bitcoin soared to a new high of $126,080… only to crash 17% like a poorly timed joke. 😭 (But hey, at least it’s not the 2008 crash. Or is it?)

Then Trump dropped the bomb with 100% tariffs on China, sending markets into a tailspin. 🤯 (Because nothing says “I’m a good guy” like economic chaos.)

Bitcoin rallied 266% after last government shutdown lifted

Remember when the last shutdown ended? Bitcoin skyrocketed 265%… but that was in a different life. 🕰️

After it ended on Jan. 25, 2019, Bitcoin rose from $3,550 to $13,000. (For context, that’s like getting a raise from a lemonade stand to a tech startup.)

Prediction markets back shutdown to end this week

Prediction markets are betting on a shutdown end by Thursday… but let’s not jinx it. 🤞 (They’re 54% sure, which is basically a guarantee in the world of crypto.)

Odds were 27% a day ago. (So, basically, the market is as reliable as a broken toaster. 🔌)

Kalshi’s odds are similar, predicting a Friday shutdown end. (Because nothing says “I’m a patriot” like waiting until the 44th day to fix things.)

Trump announced a $2,000 dividend from tariffs. (Because nothing says “I’m a leader” like giving money to everyone except the rich. 💸)

85% of adults will get it. (High-income earners, obviously. Because they’re the real heroes.)

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2025-11-10 03:48