Don’t Panic! Jack Dorsey’s Bluetooth App Will Blow Your Mind

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Ah, the ever-optimistic Jack Dorsey, once the ringmaster of Twitter’s circus and now steering the Bitcoin ship at Block, has unleashed his latest brainchild on an unsuspecting world. On a perfectly ordinary Monday, he proclaimed that Bitchat, a messaging app that clings desperately to Bluetooth like a hitchhiker thumbing a ride in the digital galaxy, is now lounging in the Apple App Store. Because nothing says “innovative” quite like ditching the internet for a technology that’s probably still arguing with your earbuds. 😏

Per the app’s whitepaper on Github – yes, because where else would one house such profound wisdom? – Bitchat bills itself as a “secure, decentralized, peer-to-peer messaging app” that flits about on Bluetooth mesh networks. No pesky internet required, no phone numbers to tie you down, just pure, unadulterated chat freedom with end-to-end encryption. It’s like the app read “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” and thought, “Hey, why not make messaging as comically inefficient as possible?” Unlike those overrated giants like Telegram, which might actually work reliably, Bitchat ensures your secrets are safer than a babel fish in a pocket dimension. End-to-end encryption? Oh, it’s there all right, guarding your messages with the fervor of a paranoid android, making sure no third party – not even Jack himself, probably – can snoop in without causing a hilarious cosmic mishap. 😂

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2025-07-28 21:57