ETH News: BitMine’s Wild ETH Grab – 14,618 Coins & A Supercycle Scheme!

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Tom Lee’s BitMine, with a flourish of greed, added 14,618 ETH to its treasury. One might call it a treasure chest, though I’d prefer to call it a midlife crisis. 🦄

Tom Lee’s BitMine Immersion Technologies, with all the subtlety of a stampede, added 14,618 ETH to its corporate treasury Thursday. This occurred after Ethereum briefly flirted with $3k-a price level one might reach if they squinted at a chart while under the influence of caffeine and delusion. Arkham data, via Lookonchain, confirms the $44.34 million purchase from wallet “0xbd0b609b6d3433b75f46b053284d7d3” at BitGo. Naturally, BitMine has not confirmed this, because transparency is for people who lack imagination. 🕵️♂️

BitMine’s Grand Plan: Accumulate ETH Until Everyone Else Despairs

The company, in a performance of Shakespearean proportions, is now two-thirds toward its goal of hoarding 5% of all ETH. One must admire the audacity of attempting to monopolize a digital asset while claiming it’s “for the greater good.” Recent stock rebounds and institutional interest? Merely the universe’s way of rewarding those who dress for success while others dress for failure. 🎩

Tom Lee()’s just bought another
14,618 ($44.34M) 4 hours ago.

– Lookonchain (@lookonchain)

In 2026, BitMine plans to launch its “Made in America Validator Network (MAVAN),” a staking initiative so patriotic it makes Uncle Sam blush. Analysts predict a “supercycle,” a term I’m 90% sure is a typo for “superfluous cycle.” BitMine’s average price of $2,840 per ETH? A steal, if one enjoys paying slightly less than the market rate for a future headache. 🧠

Related Reading: ETH News: BitMine Posts $328M Profit, Plans MAVAN ETH Staking Launch | Live Bitcoin News

Earlier this month, BitMine spent $200 million on ETH, now holding 3,629,701 ETH-approximately 3% of the supply. A noble pursuit, this 5% ownership goal, as if controlling a blockchain is the same as controlling a nation’s economy. One can only imagine the power fantasies involved. 🏰

BitMine’s 5% stake? A humble aspiration compared to its grand vision of Ethereum as the backbone of finance and blockchain infrastructure. How very… forward-thinking. One might say it’s the financial equivalent of building a pyramid with cryptocurrency bricks. 🏺

MAVAN: Staking, Supercycles, and the Art of Overpromising

“Ethereum is a very neutral chain,” declared Tom Lee, Chair of BitMine, as if neutrality were a virtue in an industry built on chaos. While the broader crypto market reels like a toddler with a sugar rush, BitMine continues its acquisitions. Whether this is genius or madness remains to be seen-though I’d wager on the latter, as genius rarely involves purchasing $44 million in ETH without a confirmation email. 📩

BitMine’s strategy, however, is a masterclass in institutional confidence-or perhaps a masterstroke of delusion. Accumulating 5% of ETH could trigger a supply shock, a term I now associate with the sound of a ticking time bomb. Or perhaps it’s just the sound of Tom Lee’s calculator. 🔢

MAVAN, with its validator network, promises staking rewards and network security. A beautiful lie, really, wrapped in the allure of diversifying revenue streams. One must wonder if the validators will also be responsible for cleaning up the inevitable mess. 🧹

Analysts’ “supercycle” predictions are as reliable as a weather forecast in a hurricane. Corporate accumulation and staking could indeed create a feedback loop of madness-or a loop of mild amusement. The $2,840 average price? A strategic entry point, or merely the cost of a ticket to the crypto circus. 🎪

Tom Lee’s claim that Ethereum is a “neutral chain” beloved by Wall Street and the White House is either a profound insight or a desperate attempt to make crypto sound like something respectable. Either way, it’s the kind of narrative that turns skeptics into believers-or at least into investors with short attention spans. 💼

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2025-11-28 20:44