Gold’s Digital Gambit: Is Bitcoin the New Tsar?

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Oh, the golden treasures of 2025! 🌍💸 What a time to be alive, when the earth itself seems to whisper secrets of wealth, and the skies are filled with the hum of central bankers’ whispers. The gold, that ancient, glittering relic, has risen like a phoenix from the ashes of despair, its value soaring to dizzying heights-$3,600 an ounce! A true marvel, if you can ignore the fact that it’s just a rock. 🪨

And lo! Bitcoin, the “digital gold,” is hailed as the savior of the modern age. But what is this “digital gold” but a ghost in the machine, a shadow of the real thing? The traditional gold, however, has returned with a vengeance, its value climbing like a drunken sailor on a shipwreck. A 35% rise? A miracle! Or perhaps just the universe’s way of saying, “You’re welcome.” 🤷‍♂️

Meanwhile, in the land of US retirement planners, a new wonder has emerged: tokenized gold. Oh, how the world has changed! Now, you can hold your gold in a digital vault, earning yield like a cunning fox in a henhouse. And all thanks to Chintai Nexus and SmartGold, who have turned the noble metal into a blockchain parlor trick. 🧙‍♂️

This week’s Crypto Biz is a tale of gold’s triumph, the rise of DeFi lending, and the grand spectacle of a crypto company’s IPO. A story for the ages, if only it weren’t so dull. 📜

US IRAs Gain Access to Tokenized Gold

Behold! SmartGold, the IRA provider, has joined forces with Chintai Nexus to transform your gold into a digital phantom. Now, your vaulted gold can earn yield through DeFi lending platforms, such as Morpho and Kamino. A true marvel, if you can overlook the fact that your gold is now a ghost, dancing on the blockchain. 🧟‍♂️

For those who dare to opt in, your IRA-held bullion is now a digital twin, one-to-one, preserving the tax-deferred magic of your retirement. A stroke of genius, or perhaps a stroke of madness. 🧠

The trend of tokenizing gold is accelerating, as if the world itself is rushing to the edge of a cliff. International Precious Metals Bullion Group has joined the fray, while Tether’s XAUT has grown to $1.3 billion. A true testament to the power of gold, or perhaps just the power of marketing. 📈

DeFi Lending Surges on Real-World Asset Boom

Decentralized finance lending is now the talk of the town, as stablecoins and real-world assets (RWAs) take center stage. The numbers are staggering: $127 billion locked in DeFi lending protocols, a 72% leap this year. A true testament to the chaos of the modern age. 🌀

Binance Research, that paragon of wisdom, declares that DeFi lending is now a playground for institutions. A bold claim, but then again, who can resist the allure of a good gamble? 🎰

The market for tokenized RWAs has exploded, reaching $28 billion. Tokenized private credit and US Treasury bonds lead the charge, while tokenized equities follow in their wake. A true revolution, if you ignore the fact that it’s all just a game of numbers. 🎲

Figure Technology Eyes $526 Million IPO

Figure Technology, the crypto titan, has set its sights on an IPO, aiming to raise $526 million at a valuation of $4 billion. A true feat of ambition, if you can ignore the fact that it’s all just a game of smoke and mirrors. 🐉

Regulatory filings reveal the company plans to sell 21.5 million shares, priced between $18 and $20. A bold move, but then again, who doesn’t love a good gamble? 🎲

Figure, known for its Provenance Blockchain products, reported $191 million in revenue. A true marvel, if you can overlook the fact that its valuation is as lofty as a goose’s flight. 🦆

Other crypto companies, too, are chasing the IPO dream. Gemini and Kraken are among the many vying for the spotlight. A true spectacle, if you can ignore the fact that it’s all just a game of chance. 🎭

Gryphon Finalizes Merger with American Bitcoin

Shareholders of Gryphon Digital Mining have approved a merger with American Bitcoin, a mining company tied to the family of the former US president. The new entity will trade under the ticker “ABTC.” A true union of power, if you can overlook the fact that it’s all just a game of politics. 🏛️

As part of the deal, a reverse stock split reduced Gryphon’s shares to 16.6 million. A true act of financial wizardry, if you can ignore the fact that it’s all just a game of numbers. 🧮

American Bitcoin, once known as American Data Center, is now a “pure-play” Bitcoin miner. A true testament to the power of rebranding, if you can overlook the fact that it’s all just a game of smoke and mirrors. 🌫️

Crypto Biz is your weekly pulse on the business behind blockchain and crypto, delivered directly to your inbox every Thursday. A true marvel, if you can ignore the fact that it’s all just a game of chance. 🎲

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2025-09-05 23:47