Kraken’s Powell Escapes FBI Tentacles, Gets Gadgets Back! 🐙💻

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Well, butter my bitcoin, the boys in black (no, not the band, the FBI) have finally decided to stop playing hide-and-seek with Jesse Powell’s gadgets. 🕵️♂️✨ After a dramatic raid that would’ve made a Hollywood heist proud, they’ve handed back his dozens of laptops and phones—presumably with a sheepish “our bad.” 🤷♂️

According to the ever-reliable Fortune (who probably used a crystal ball and a ouija board for this scoop), court documents reveal the Justice Department has thrown in the towel. 🏳️ No more snooping, no more accusations—just a big ol’ “never mind” from the feds. 🗞️

Remember when Powell’s home was turned into a tech-gadget graveyard two years ago? The feds swooped in like seagulls at a picnic, grabbing every device in sight. Some of these, mind you, were crypto treasure chests. 💰 But fear not, for the loot has been returned, and Powell’s court filing is basically a victory dance in legalese. 🎉

The whole kerfuffle? Oh, it was over Powell’s nonprofit, Verge, which he founded in Sacramento back in 2007. The New York Times (yes, the same folks who think every story needs a villain) claimed Powell “hacked and cyber-stalked” his own creation. 🕵️♂️💻 Powell, of course, denied this with all the indignation of a man who’s had his crypto wallet accused of theft. “Nonsense!” he cried, or something equally dramatic. 🗣️

Powell’s recent filings? They’re basically a “told you so” wrapped in legal jargon. The returned devices, he claims, are smoking guns—except they’re smoking with innocence, not guilt. 🔍✨

Said Powell, with all the gravitas of a man who’s just won a game of Clue against the entire FBI:

“The FBI’s raid on my house was devastating both personally and professionally. It is still shocking that the raid was premised on Verge Center for the Arts’ baseless accusations against me. I knew that I had done nothing wrong, and discovery in my defamation case against Verge has shown this is undeniable.” 🎭✨

Powell’s attorney, Brandon Fox, chimed in with the legal equivalent of a mic drop: a declination letter from the DOJ. Case closed, folks. No more crypto capers for the feds—at least not this one. 📜✉️

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2025-07-22 21:42