Lawmakers Go To Europe…For What?

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U.S. lawmakers, apparently needing a change of scenery and perhaps a decent cappuccino, embarked on a “high-stakes” European tour. The stated goal? To “fortify transatlantic financial and security alliances.” Which, as far as I can tell, means talking about money and vaguely gesturing towards Russia. 🙄

Congressional Delegation Advances US-Europe Alliance on Crypto, Policy, and Security

So, Congressman French Hill (a name that sounds suspiciously like a Victorian villain) and Rep. Vicente Gonzalez (who, bless him, seems genuinely confused by the whole thing) took a little trip to Italy, Switzerland, and Germany between August 20th and 28th, 2025. The point, according to Hill, was to “strengthen U.S.-European ties.” One assumes the ties were getting a bit…frayed? Maybe they were just untidy.

They met with “senior officials” – picture a lot of stern-looking people in suits – and industry types to discuss digital assets, tokenization (whatever *that* is), monetary policy (even *I* get bored by that), and the aforementioned Russia situation. Hill, clearly thrilled with the amount of talking that occurred, offered this gem:

In each of the three countries, the lawmakers discussed matters related to the expanding market for digital assets, tokenization, conduct of monetary policy, and the transatlantic partnership issues regarding national security.

It’s amazing how much exciting vocabulary can be crammed into one sentence to describe absolutely nothing happening. I mean, honestly, “expanding market for digital assets”? It sounds like a particularly aggressive fungus. Hill also proudly announced they “briefed our European partners on the digital asset policy landscape” – because Europeans are *clearly* desperate for American opinions on things. He also told them about “next steps in ensuring transatlantic security”, which I imagine involved a lot of nodding and pretending to understand.

Gonzalez, ever the team player, thanked European financial leaders for meeting with them. He then dropped a bombshell: he met the Pope. Pope Leo XIV, no less. Apparently, this was a “deeply personal moment.” I suspect it mostly involved awkwardly accepting a blessing and trying not to spill any gelato. He said the Pope’s message of cooperation “added a unique dimension” to the delegation’s work. I’m picturing the Pope just wanting them to leave. 😅 He added:

I thank the leadership of Europe’s leading financial institutions for meeting with our bipartisan delegation to discuss key issues on monetary policy and digital assets.

Truly, deeply moving. It’s good to know our tax dollars are being used to facilitate polite conversations about money with people who already have plenty. I’m sure Russia is *terrified*. 😴

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2025-08-30 05:58