Lawmakers Scream: ‘Do It Now or We’ll Haunt You!’ 😱

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So, the lawmakers-bless their restless hearts-passed the U.S. stablecoin law on July 18th, like valiant heroes emerging from legislative trenches. But now, in a sudden bout of responsibility (how novel!), they want regulators to stop sipping tea and actually do something. Can you believe it? Action! In Washington! 🤯

On December 2nd, during the House Financial Services Committee (FSC) hearing-yes, that grand theater of “serious talk”-Republican Rep. Bryan Steil leaned in, cleared his throat, and said, with the urgency of a man whose Wi-Fi is buffering:

“I just want to make sure that we get these done on time. I think that’s just really important.”

Oh, Bryan. “Really important.” What a poet. What a visionary. He then added, dramatically:

“We’ve seen instances across years in this committee where sometimes bills are passed, but we don’t see the regulations come out on time.”

Translation: “We passed it. Now please, for the love of God, finish the sandwich.” 🥪⏳

Enter the GENIUS Act-yes, named with all the humility of a self-proclaimed genius (probably drafted by someone who owns a “Trust Me I’m a Stablecoin” mug). It demands that U.S. payment stablecoins back every dollar with… wait for it… an actual dollar. Or something equally liquid, like U.S. Treasury bills (shocking innovation, I know). 💸

And if you’re a stablecoin issuer with over $50 billion floating in the digital abyss? Surprise! You must endure annual audits-yes, like real companies. The horror! 🕵️‍♂️📄

Multiple agencies must also crawl through the regulatory swamp, issue guidelines, complete rulemaking, and finally-like Prometheus delivering fire-finalize implementation. All by July 2026. Or maybe 2027. We’re not in a hurry. It’s not like crypto moves fast or anything. 😒

Diverse Voices? More Like a Political Soap Opera 🍿

The December 2nd hearing wasn’t just about rules-it was about vibes. The Federal Reserve, FDIC, and OCC all showed up, trying to look busy while avoiding direct eye contact.

FSC Chairman French Hill stood tall, chest puffed, declaring:

“It is critical that we continue this momentum toward transparent regulatory certainty and broader market competition.”

Which roughly translates to: “We passed a bill! Look at us go! Freedom tastes like compliance!” 🥂

Travis Hill, acting chair of the FDIC (yes, another Hill-apparently, it’s a family business), promised:

“The FDIC has begun work to promulgate rules to implement the GENIUS Act; we expect to issue a proposed rule to establish our application framework later this month.”

Later this month? Wow. We might actually live to see it. Grab your popcorn and a time machine. 🍿🕰️

Of course, not everyone’s drinking the Kool-Aid. Democrat Bill Foster warned that interest-paying stablecoins might scare the little banks-yes, the fragile darlings of Main Street. Meanwhile, Maxine Waters, queen of crypto drama, waved the red flag: “What about Trump’s family owning crypto, huh? HUH?!” 🎭

Sure, it might be unrelated. But why let facts ruin a good conspiracy?

Final Thoughts

  • U.S. regulators are being shoved-gently, with a law-shaped cattle prod-toward issuing GENIUS Act guidelines. Spoiler: They’re taking their sweet time. 🐌
  • FDIC’s acting chair claims they’ll draft rules by the end of December and finalize by early 2026. We’ll believe it when we see it. 😏

Will the rules come on time? Will small banks survive the financial terrors of interest-bearing tokens? Will the Trumps cash out before the audit?

Stay tuned. Or don’t. Either way, the circus marches on. 🎪🎪🎪

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2025-12-04 03:11