In the grand tradition of political theater, Senator Cynthia Lummis has delivered a masterclass in fiscal realism, declaring that purchasing Bitcoin will not, in fact, solve America’s $37 trillion debt crisis. One might assume this revelation was groundbreaking, but alas, it turns out alchemy is still illegal in D.C.
Her remarks, a scalpel to Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent’s balloon animal of a Bitcoin Reserve, arrived like a thunderclap in a room full of deaf people. The “Strategic Bitcoin Reserve,” a program birthed under Trump’s March Executive Order, envisions a future where the U.S. government builds crypto wealth not by printing money, but by repurposing seized assets. A revolutionary concept, akin to baking a cake without flour-just ask the cake.
Speaking on Fox Business, Bessent proclaimed, “We’re not buying Bitcoin, we’re using seized assets!” A statement so bold it could only be followed by a price dip. And dip it did-Bitcoin, in a moment of existential doubt, slipped below $120,000 before stabilizing at $118,000. One might say it’s “finding its value,” but the market prefers to call it a “pause for emotional support.”
@SecScottBessent is right: a budget-neutral path to building SBR is the way. We cannot save our country from $37T debt by purchasing more bitcoin, but we can revalue gold reserves to today’s prices & transfer the increase in value to build SBR. America needs the BITCOIN Act.
– Senator Cynthia Lummis (@SenLummis) August 14, 2025
Lummis, ever the fiscal poet, proposed revaluing gold reserves to fund the reserve. Because nothing says “21st-century innovation” like counting shiny rocks from 400 B.C. Her parting shot? “I have a ₿ill for that.” A line so dripping with bureaucratic sarcasm it could power the entire Capitol Hill HVAC system.
The exchange, a farcical duet of “we’re all geniuses here,” highlights Washington’s latest obsession: turning cryptocurrency into a strategic asset while pretending not to print money. A bureaucratic ballet that would make Dostoevsky weep-or at least write a novella about a haunted Bitcoin wallet.
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2025-08-15 06:56