Madagascar in Uproar Over Bitchat Boom – Dorsey’s App Saves the Day! 🚀

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In a twist that would make even the most jaded technocrat raise an eyebrow, Block CEO Jack Dorsey’s decentralized messaging contraption, Bitchat, has become the toast of Madagascar-not for its charming interface (which, let’s be honest, resembles a potato with Bluetooth), but because the locals have taken to it like ducks to water amid the current kerfuffle. This follows similar enthusiasm in Nepal and Indonesia, proving once again that when governments frown, citizens download.

A certain Bitcoin developer, who goes by the cryptic moniker “callebtc” (presumably because “Bob” was already taken), announced on Sunday with the glee of a man who’s just discovered free Wi-Fi: “Bitchat downloads spiking in Madagascar.” Accompanying this proclamation were screenshots of protest coverage, presumably to assure skeptics that this wasn’t just a case of mass thumb-slips on the App Store.

Google Trends: The Bitchat Boom 📈

While callebtc was coy about exact download figures (perhaps fearing the taxman), Google Trends revealed that searches for “Bitchat” in Madagascar skyrocketed from absolute zero to a perfect 100-like a soufflé that refuses to collapse. Antananarivo, the capital, led the charge, proving once again that city folk love nothing more than a good digital uprising.

Google Trends, that ever-helpful oracle of public obsession, confirmed that “Bitchat download” and “how to use Bitchat” were among the top queries-tagged as “breakout topics,” which is Google’s polite way of saying, “Blimey, people actually care about this?”

Meanwhile, Chrome-Stats reported that Bitchat has been downloaded a staggering 365,307 times since its launch-21,000 in the last day alone, presumably by Malagasy protesters, bored teenagers, and at least one confused grandparent who thought they were ordering cat food. Alas, the data doesn’t specify which regions contributed most, but given Madagascar’s sudden interest, it’s safe to assume they’re in the running.

Madagascar’s Latest Export: Chaos 🔥

Protests erupted in Antananarivo last Thursday, with citizens taking to the streets over water and power cuts-because nothing inspires civil unrest quite like realizing your fridge is now just a fancy cupboard. Clashes with police ensued, looters made merry, and the energy minister found himself abruptly unemployed-a cautionary tale for anyone who thought infrastructure was optional.

Authorities, in a move that screamed “desperation,” imposed a dusk-to-dawn curfew. Naturally, this only fueled more demonstrations on Friday and Saturday, proving once again that telling people to stay home after dark just makes them more determined to misbehave.

This follows similar Bitchat spikes in Nepal (where corruption protests led to a brief social media ban) and Indonesia (where, well, same story). It seems the app has become the Swiss Army knife of digital dissent-useful, slightly confusing, and occasionally used to open beer bottles.

Madagascar’s Internet: A Rare Commodity 🌍

Madagascar, bless its lemur-filled heart, is one of the world’s poorest nations. Out of 32 million souls, only 6.6 million had internet access at the start of 2025-meaning the other 25.4 million are either blissfully offline or still waiting for their dial-up tone. DataReportal estimates there are 18 million mobile connections, though many are likely just glorified walkie-talkies.

Dorsey launched Bitchat in beta back in July, promising encrypted, internet-free communication via Bluetooth mesh networks-a concept so futuristic it sounds like something from a sci-fi novel where the hero defeats tyranny by turning his phone into a router.

EU’s Chat Control: The Plot Thickens 🕵️‍♂️

Meanwhile, across the pond, the European Union is attempting to crack down on encrypted messaging with its “Chat Control” law-a proposal so invasive it makes nosy neighbors seem polite. The law would force services like WhatsApp and Signal to let regulators peek at messages before encryption, because nothing says “trust us” like reading everyone’s texts.

Fifteen EU countries support the idea, but Germany-ever the wildcard-has yet to commit. Crypto advocates predict this will only drive users toward decentralized platforms, proving once again that heavy-handed regulation is the best marketing strategy privacy apps never asked for.

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2025-09-29 06:53