In the grand theater of human folly, where the digital age collides with bureaucratic rigor, Ohio’s officials have taken a bow, declaring their intent to let cryptocurrency grease the wheels of state fees-a move as audacious as it is absurd.
The Buckeye State, ever the trend-chaser, now wades into the murky waters of blockchain, where promises of innovation clash with the cold, unyielding rocks of practicality. The vendor approval, a mere parchment, has been hailed as progress, though skeptics might argue it’s closer to a lottery ticket. Yet, the stage is set, and Ohio’s leaders, with their “bold action,” have joined the circus of modern governance, where elephants in rooms are ignored and dragons are called “regulatory challenges.”
On the 24th of September, Secretary Frank LaRose, flanked by his cabinet of technocrats, declared triumph over Twitter’s chaotic X-stage:
Behold! The State Board of Deposit, in a unanimous act of faith (or folly), has chosen a vendor to let citizens pay for state services with cryptocurrency-bitcoin, that digital alchemy of the 21st century. 🐉💸
“With hundreds of thousands of transactions flowing through my office annually,” LaRose proclaimed, “we must embrace the future!” One imagines Tolstoy’s Ivan Ilych nodding solemnly, if only to question whether this future is a carriage or a cart.
The Secretary’s ode to pioneers-Treasurer Sprague, Auditor Faber, and Attorney General Yost-reads less like a state document and more like a tavern tale. “We are not afraid to embrace tools, trends, and technologies,” he intoned, as if Ohio were the first to wield fire. Yet, amid the fanfare, the practicalities remain as hazy as a crypto wallet after a market crash. Will this be efficient? Perhaps. Will it be volatile? Absolutely. 🌪️🤷♂️
This venture, born of April petitions and May votes, now hinges on vendors and whims. LaRose, ever the showman, added:
My office processes hundreds of thousands of transactions yearly, and the people cry out for crypto! I shall be first to offer it-like Prometheus stealing fire, but with more fees. 🔥📜
Yet, as the curtain rises, questions linger: When will this “first agency” actually charge citizens in satoshis? How will the state reconcile the ebb and flow of digital wealth with the steadfast gravity of public finance? And most pressing of all: Will anyone remember what a dollar was in 2114? Only time-and perhaps a very confused historian-will tell.
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2025-09-26 00:58