The burn followed what can only be described as a “landslide” approval-99.9% in favor-because nothing unites people like setting money on fire. 🔥 The proposal, aptly named “UNIfication,” passed on December 25, making it the weirdest Christmas gift since Aunt Carol’s homemade fruitcake.
There was hope, though. The price of Dash had been squished between a dull $85k and $90k for the last month, and now it looked like it might blow up like one of my spontaneous digestive crises. Meanwhile, ZCash, that host of grandmas prancing freely about above $500, seemed to cheer it on. Is this the privacy coin upper crust scolding Dash for being less anonymous at their social gatherings? We aren’t quite sure.
Behold, the data from Glassnode-a most reliable oracle-reveals that XRP balances on exchanges have dwindled to a mere 1.5 billion, a figure so low it would make a medieval scribe weep into his ale. And yet, the ETFs, those modern-day alchemists, have swallowed 750 million XRP since their inception, as if the crypto market itself were a grand masquerade ball where everyone’s wearing a mask of greed. 🎭🎭
Burak Kesmeci – a name that will surely be etched in the annals of financial prophecy – informs us, via the fleeting medium of X (formerly known as Twitter, a platform rapidly becoming a museum of ephemeral thoughts), that the little people are losing faith. Retail participation, that delicate bloom of enthusiasm from those of us with slightly less money than the whales, is, shall we say, wilting. The data shows a renewed aversion to transactions under $10,000. A chilling sign, I assure you. It appears devotion to Bitcoin is currently at the energy level of a sloth on a particularly dreary Monday.
Mid-July saw XRP hit a dazzling all-time high of $3.65, only to come crashing down faster than a house of cards in a wind tunnel. Now, it’s clinging to a precarious support line at $1.90, looking more like a deflated balloon than a soaring rocket.
It’s climbed a rather improbable 22% in the last 24 hours. A 62% weekly gain. Honestly, at this point, we’re beginning to suspect tiny, highly motivated hamsters are operating the exchanges. Meanwhile, AsterDEX (ASTER) is reportedly considering a career change. Perhaps interpretive dance.
On-chain data, that cold, unblinking eye of modernity, revealed a grim tableau. The percentage of ETH supply in profit plummeted below 60%, a number so mundane it could only inspire existential dread. Meanwhile, institutions, those titans of capital, retreated like peasants from a plague, their once-mighty demand now a whisper. Glassnode’s charts, once vibrant with hope, now resembled a funeral march for dreams sold on margin.
Ellison, now 30, has been gracing the halls of community confinement since October 2025, after a brief sojourn at Danbury Federal Correctional Institution. Her early release, a testament to good behavior and a silver tongue, is the stuff of which legal dramas are made. One wonders if the prison walls wept at her departure-or perhaps they simply sighed in relief. 😏
If you’re one of the unlucky souls who got fleeced during the Dec. 24-26 crypto carnival of chaos, fear not-Chen’s got a plan. According to her squawk on the X-perch, victims can mosey on over to a special domain to claim their lost loot. But hold your horses, partner-only the official dashboard will do. No side-show shenanigans allowed.
Ce gentil Robinhood, pour charmer ses courtisans, propose un événement où l’on gagne des Dogecoins et des bijoux à la mode des Rolex, mais qui, hélas, s’embrouille dans ses propres enchantements.
