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Key takeaways (because who has time to read the whole thing?):

The findings reveal a market expanding with the vigor of a lovesick poet, formalizing swiftly, and powered by retail users-those humble souls who once shunned the crypto stage! 🙋♂️

After slipping to $89,000 post-Fed rate cut and a gloomy U.S. stock open, Bitcoin staged a late-day comeback, trading at $93,000-a marginal gain over 24 hours. Altcoins, though? Not so much. Cardano’s ADA and Avalanche’s AVAX led the decline, down 6%-7%, while Ether sulked at 3% lower, clinging to $3,200 like it’s a life raft. 🌊💔

In the shadow of the Himalayas, where the air is pure and the mountains guard secrets, Bhutan prepares to unveil a new era. A sovereign-backed gold token, born not from the earth but from the digital void, will debut on Solana-a blockchain that promises speed with the grace of a gazelle. 🐆

Crypto investment firm Blockstream Capital Partners (BCP) is on a rampage, planning to snap up Corbiere Capital Management, a hedge fund that calls Jersey home. Apparently, Rodrigo Rodriguez, the founder, is quite the guy, so they’re handing him the keys to their asset management kingdom. He’s also bringing his 25+ years of experience-basically, he’s been around so long he probably knows where the bodies are buried in the stock market.

Apparently, the aim is to forge a “traceable” digital trail for critical minerals-those rare earth elements that somehow hold the key to the future, or to the next Silicon Valley revolt. Their cunning plan, it seems, involves hosting SAGINT’s warehouse receipts on Sui’s blockchain-ensuring provenance, compliance, and probably giving smug corporate executives a new reason to whisper “trust us” into their fancy coffee cups.

Meanwhile, in a spectacle that would make even the most seasoned soap operas look boring, a colossal transaction-think of it as a whale doing a backstroke in a pool filled with digital fish-has everyone scratching their heads. Thanks to the ever-watchful eyes of Whale Alert (no, not a giant in a waiting room), we learned a staggering 53.7 million XRP, roughly $108 million in Monopoly money, was shuttled between two mysterious wallets on the XRP Ledger on Wednesday, December 11. Because who doesn’t love a good wallet swap in the middle of a market crisis?

SOL now clings to $131, a 5.51% drop that would make Tolstoy weep. Yet here, amidst the wreckage, the leviathan of liquidity strikes-a whale, no less, siphoning $14m from Kraken like a vampire at a blood bank. 🦈💉

This notion, once quietly resting in the shadows, has been brought back into the limelight during a recent conversation by Angry Crypto Show. They dusted off the old speculation that Schwartz, with his cryptographic prowess, could have crafted Bitcoin. A theory that even the late John McAfee, ever the provocateur, had championed. McAfee, in his famously colorful way, declared Schwartz to be the most likely candidate to have designed Bitcoin’s architecture. McAfee, of course, was an expert in…well, being McAfee.

On the 11th of December, Ondo Finance, State Street Investment Management, and Galaxy Asset Management did publicly declare their intent to launch SWEEP-a private tokenized liquidity fund destined for Solana’s blockchain in the spring of 2026. This scheme aims to transplant traditional cash-management stratagems to the digital sphere, where quill pens are replaced by smart contracts. 📜