Zippy, a fledgling beast of 2021, now offers its AI oracles to ETHZilla’s “tokenization stack”-a phrase as hollow as the promises of a drunken banker. Together, they shall chain-loan homes to the blockchain, selling these digital phantoms to institutions that, like vultures, circle the carcass of innovation. ETHZilla claims a board seat and a 36-month exclusivity pact. One wonders: is this love, or a hostage negotiation?
Behold, the Bitwise 10 Crypto Index Fund (BITW), a vessel laden with the hopes and dreams of the crypto faithful, has docked at the NYSE Arca. With a treasure chest of almost $1 billion, it carries Bitcoin (74.34%) and XRP (5.17%) into the heart of traditional markets. 🛳️💼 Yet, let us not forget the trials of this journey, for the SEC, that ever-watchful guardian of the status quo, had delayed its passage, as journalist Eleanor Terrett so aptly noted. A tale of perseverance, indeed, though one wonders if the regulators were merely savoring the drama. 🎭
According to ChartNerd, XRP’s total exchange balance has plummeted like a confused penguin in a snowstorm. From 3.95 billion to 2.6 billion tokens-what’s next, a 100% drop? 🐧📉
Oh, the humanity! ICP plummeted 5% to $3.4945, spurning all hope like a jilted bride at a cryptocurrency wedding 💔
In July 2025, analysts watched eight Satoshi-era wallets, each holding 10,000 BTC, move their coins for the first time in 14 years.
In every corner of this desolate landscape, the circulating float swells like a plague, while prices plummet, leaving only shadows of their former selves. 86% to 99%-a chasm deeper than the Mariana Trench. 🌌
Behold, the tale of Tajikistan’s parliament, which has conjured up new rules to punish those who mine cryptocurrencies using electricity pilfered from the national grid. It’s a tale of crime, punishment, and a dash of hydropower drama. 📜⚖️
Bitcoin, once the golden child of the blockchain world, hit a peak so high it made the moon jealous 🌙. But now it’s taking a backseat, down 4-5% like a deflated balloon at a birthday party 🎈. The world’s too busy worrying about global chaos to care about Bitcoin’s tantrums.
Meanwhile, the crypto world is pretending everything’s fine. Bitcoin (BTC) is back above $92,000, which is like saying “I’m okay” after a breakup. Ethereum (ETH) is also playing along, and the Fear & Greed Index is at 30-still in “I’m not panicking, really” territory. 🧘♀️
When Strategy dropped a cool $1 billion on 10,000 Bitcoin, the market folks expected a big jump-like a startled cat on a hot tin roof. But Bitcoin just yawned and kept its head in the sand. Now, don’t get your knickers in a twist; it wasn’t a lack of demand, but more like a well-orchestrated game of hide-and-seek with the price. Enter Quinten Francois, the Sherlock Holmes of crypto, who cracked the code on why such a hefty buy left no trace on the charts. 🧠💸
