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In a letter that reads as a modern-day manifesto of financial angst, the banking cabal decries the opacity of the crypto applications. The public—once the vigilant custodian of democratic transparency—is left groping in darkness, unable to scrutinize or debate the true nature of these entities’ proposed business models. What, then, is the essence of a bank, if not the keeper of trust? And yet, the crypto entrepreneurs, with their wings of blockchain and smart contracts, seem determined to redefine the very notion of banking. Their bold vision promises liberation from the cumbersome chains of tradition, even as it threatens to unravel the tapestry of prudence that has long underpinned American finance. 😂

In a gripping report (because who doesn’t love a good incident narrative?), they confirmed all that cash was tied up in one of their internal liquidity accounts. But don’t panic! Your shiny customer funds are as safe as a cat in a sunbeam. ☀️

So, what’s behind this sudden surge? Well, first off, XRP finally escaped from its months-long rut and started gaining some serious traction. The $3.50 level has now become the *line in the sand*, the crypto version of the line drawn in the dirt during an epic playground showdown. If XRP can close above it with enough trading volume, we might just have a road straight to $4. But, and here’s where it gets spicy, if the price slips below $3.35, expect a quick dip to around $3.10. But no worries — many believe it’s just a little “healthy dip” before the next rocket launch 🚀.

According to the all-knowing oracle Etherscan, the gas limit crept up to over 37.3 million units—a nearly 3% rise from last week. Meanwhile, several blocks boldly declared their support for a higher limit, as if gas were the universal currency. 🌌

The secret, my friends, is something called “Bitcoin Dominance.” Sounds fancy, doesn’t it? Like a Roman emperor’s personal accountant. But it simply means how much of the crypto pie Bitcoin gets to gobble up. And lately? It’s shrinking faster than my toupee in a windstorm! 💨 When dominance dips, it means investors are fleeing Bitcoin faster than you can say “blockchain.” They’re shoveling money into those altcoins! It’s “Altcoin Season,” folks! The time when those quirky, newfangled digital doodads have their moment in the sun! Like a Yiddish comedian finally getting his big break! 🎉

The 200 EMA has been playing bouncer for SHIB since 2024, saying “You shall not pass!” like Gandalf on a bad day. But SHIB finally said “Screw this!” and broke through like a bull in a china shop. And the best part? There’s actually volume behind it – not just some intern pushing buttons between coffee breaks. ☕

Two weeks ago, Ethena escaped a “descending channel”—a fancy term for the financial equivalent of a sinking spaceship. From $0.25 to $0.499? That’s not a rally, it’s a relativity-defying warp jump.

A golden cross, that most auspicious of technical indicators, hath emerged on Bitcoin’s daily chart, like a phoenix from the ashes 🐦. The 50-day simple moving average (SMA) hath crossed above the 200-day SMA, forming a pattern that historically precedes significant bull markets, or so the sages claim 🔮.

And then, as if on cue, the villains arrived. President Trump, proving he still enjoys a bit of attention, signed a stablecoin law. One imagines he simply enjoys the spectacle. JPMorgan, ever the pragmatist, seems to be cautiously sniffing around digital dollars, while Australia has decided crypto is simply dreadful and a breeding ground for financial miscreants. How terribly predictable. But the real drama? Exchanges being relieved of vast sums of money, naturally. 💸

Take last Friday, July 18, for instance. President Donald Trump signed the first crypto bill, the GENIUS Act, into law. Now, I’m no political pundit, but I do know a thing or two about timing. And boy, did those spot Bitcoin ETFs time their daily capital inflows perfectly! 💯💰