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For years, Vanguard was that grumpy old man on the porch, shouting at clouds, insisting that Bitcoin was a bad idea. But now? Well, now they’re in the game. And it matters. Because when a $9+ trillion retirement giant decides to let people put $BTC in their 401(k)s, things get real. So real, in fact, that Bitcoin rallied back to $92K from a dismal dip below $86K on Tuesday. It’s like watching your awkward cousin suddenly become the prom king.

According to SoSoValue (a name that screams reliability), the 12 spot Bitcoin ETFs logged $58.5 million in net inflows on Dec. 2. BlackRock’s IBIT, ever the showman, drew in $120.1 million, while Fidelity’s FBTC and Biwise’s BITB trailed with $21.8 million and $7.4 million, respectively. ARK 21Shares’ ARKB, the rebellious one, offset this with an outflow of $90.4 million. The rest? Mere spectators, with zero flows on the day. 🍿

The Property (Digital Assets etc) Bill has been given royal assent, which is basically the U.K.’s way of saying, “The King has nodded, so it’s official.” Lord Speaker John McFall confirmed this at the House of Lords on Tuesday, presumably while sipping tea and wondering if he should invest in Dogecoin. 🫖

Bloomberg’s own financial prophet, Eric Balchunas, gave us some juicy insight into the SEC’s thinking. Apparently, they think some firms were trying to slip under the radar of Rule 18f-4, a regulation designed to prevent excessive leverage. It’s a simple rule, really: “We’ll let you get as far as 2x leverage, but anything more? You’ll need special permission.” And these 3x and 5x dreams? Yeah, not so much. Time to rethink, folks.

In a report dripping with the irony of a Raskolnikov confession, Grayscale Research dissects the latest market pullback. “A mere 32% drop?” they muse. “A trifle, a nothingness, a mere hiccup in the grand symphony of greed and fear.” From October’s peak to November’s trough, the heart of the market fluttered, yet Grayscale remains unmoved. “Nine declines of 10% since 2022? A bumpy ride, yes, but as typical as a Russian winter.” 🥶❄️

Picture this: Bitcoin, that rebellious digital gold, was politely rejected at the $93,000 barricade last week. Now, it’s back for another round-like a caffeinated boxer eyeing the knockout. As it scribbles its daring run, an army of short sellers-those brave souls betting against it-are getting liquidated faster than you can say “margin call.” These liquidations, dear reader, are not accidents but the fuel for a comical ascent. Should BTC muster the nerve to surmount $93K this time, expect a squeeze flashier than a Vegas magic trick, catapulting prices into the stratosphere. 🚀🔥

Let us not forget, last week BTC strutted in like it owned the place, lifting the entire crypto soirée from a dismal $80,600 low up to the chic $93,000 district. How radiant! How promising! But then, Sunday happened. Back to the floor it went-dragging the hem of its reputation through the $82,000 carpet. Honestly, it’s like watching someone try to rekindle an ex at a wedding. Painful and slightly embarrassing. 💃

The collaboration, announced on Tuesday, will inject Kalshi’s data into CNN’s newsroom workflows. The network plans to introduce a live ticker that displays market-implied odds during segments, because nothing says “gravitas” like a scrolling feed of probabilities 🎰.

Summary

According to a guy named More Crypto Online-who, let’s face it, sounds like he’s doing his best impression of a weather forecaster-the entire thing looks like a complex triangle formation. Yes, imagine that. Neon yellow lines telling us, “Hey, we might be correcting, y’all.” But here’s the kicker: no one’s cracked the code on the bottom yet. No triumphant 1-2 setup to the upside, no shiny new impulsive trend. Basically, we’re stuck waiting for either a breakout above the yellow line or-worse-more sideways trudging. And that triangle? Still valid, if you’re into chart patterns. Otherwise, just a crypto version of musical chairs.