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Strategy boldly declares that should Bitcoin tumble to its humble $74,000 average cost, its precious BTC holdings would still cover its convertible debt by a staggering 5.9 times. Yes, you read that correctly. This miraculous ratio, which they proudly dub the “BTC Rating,” is apparently a safety net of epic proportions. But wait, there’s more: at a dismal $25,000 per Bitcoin, they’re still in the green with a modest 2.0x coverage. Marvel at the resilience! Or, if you prefer, prepare for a laugh.

Ah, Strategy-that bold, reckless gambler in the grand casino of finance! The company, with the feverish gleam of a man who has bet his last ruble on red, declared that even if Bitcoin-that capricious demon of the digital age-plunges to a mere $74,000 (oh, the horror!), its hoard of the cursed coins would still cover … Read more

Story Protocol’s native token, in a whimsical twist of fate, ascended by 21.48% to $2.98 within the span of a single day. This meteoric rise coincided with the blockchain’s introduction of prediction markets and the launch of Confidential Data Rails-a privacy-focused upgrade that, purportedly, secures encrypted data on-chain. One might wonder if the blockchain itself has developed a sense of Sartrean existentialism.

As their fancy press release reads: “Ah, yes, November 21 witnessed a daily volume record of a mind-boggling 794,903 contracts in our cryptocurrency futures and options. Please don’t ask how that compares to elephant foot voting in Texas, but suffice it to say it’s a significant beat on last August’s so-so paltry 728,475.” Isn’t it wonderful the world spins and all we can do is count contracts? 🎉

Public records show Texas snagged their Bitcoin via BlackRock’s spot ETF (fancy initials: IBIT), handing over an average of $87,000 per coin. Imagine that-Texas playing it smart, watching the crypto circles like a hawk. The Texas Blockchain Council confirmed: “We bought Bitcoin, y’all!” Meanwhile, Comptroller Kelly Hancock was practically the cowboy roping this deal into existence.

The report doth allege that the SEC, in a fit of leniency, dismissed or paused investigations into at least nine companies that bestowed gifts upon Trump or invested in his ventures. A curious coincidence, is it not? 🤔

And so, it rests-at $850, a modest figure of triumph and trepidation, up just a smidge in 24 hours, but down a fair bit since last week. Its chart looks like a clipped winged bird, repeatedly darting up to the top of a channel only to tumble back, caught in a loop of aspiration and retest-ah, the graceful tragedy of markets.

If this crowded trade goes awry, the fallout could hit crypto markets faster than a Wall Street banker’s morning espresso. ☕️

So, here’s the backstory. A Bitcoin holder from the legendary “Satoshi era” (no, not the moon, but close) decided to cash in some of their dusty coins that had been sitting untouched for years. CryptoQuant’s Maartunn called it the “wild on-chain story of the day.” And honestly, at this point, anything with the word ‘wild’ in it should come with popcorn. 🍿