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At the time of this scribbling, Bitcoin hovers near $91,700, a figure that has seen a 6% ascent in the past day, though it remains a shade diminished over the week. This modest recovery follows a precipitous tumble below $81,000, a fall as graceless as a debutante tripping at her first ball. Yet, the coin still languishes 27% below its October zenith of $126,000, a summit now as distant as a forgotten New Year’s resolution.

So, what does this mean for crypto? Well, apparently, it’s all sunshine and rainbows. The magic formula here? A dovish macro policy (translation: lower rates) + a guy who owns a big chunk of Coinbase. Sounds like the recipe for a juicy bull run, right? According to Juan Leon at Bitwise (who sounds like the kind of guy who wears socks with sandals but knows his crypto), “If Kevin Hassett becomes Fed Chair, the implications for crypto are strongly bullish.” Bold words, Juan. You’re saying a guy who’s publicly critiqued interest rates and has a stake in a crypto exchange is going to make crypto soar? No pressure, Kev.

Back in the spring, when things were smellin’ of roses 🌹 and crypto promises, a passel of public companies decided to park their money in Bitcoin . Now? Well, the market’s done a funny thing, and some of that fancy math ain’t addin’ up no more. Their stock’s gone down, but their Bitcoin’s still there-and it’s lookin’ mighty tempting to turn that back into good ol’ cash.

Upexi, steadfast in its determination, did embark upon this grand endeavour with a firm grip upon its ledger, directing its efforts toward the acquisition of more of Solana’s native sigils. Such ambition was not without hope of reaping a passive bounty, a common aim shared with the likes of those one might encounter among the Russian pastoral scenes-the gentleman farmer staking his claim to his patch of fertile earth.

The World Federation of Exchanges (WFE), a bastion of traditional wisdom in a world gone mad, has sounded the alarm. In a letter dripping with urgency, they decry the proliferation of these “stock tokens,” which masquerade as legitimate investments while lacking the very essence of what makes a stock a stock. “A plethora of brokers and crypto-trading platforms,” they write, “offer these fraudulent instruments, endangering both market integrity and the souls of investors.” 😱💼

“I say, it’s still jolly likely Bitcoin will top $100,000 before the year’s out, and perhaps even shimmy to a new high,” Lee chirped during a spot with CNBC on Wednesday, his tone as breezy as a summer’s day at Blandings. 🌞

Previously, these same analysts had deigned to award USDT a “4,” a rating that whispered of “constrained” ability to cling to the dollar like a barnacle to a ship. But oh, how the mighty have fallen! The new rating of “5” plunges it into the abyss of “weak,” a word that drips with the sarcasm of a Russian novelist observing the follies of mankind. In their November 26 report, the analysts, with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer, cited Tether’s increasing dalliance with “high-risk assets”-Bitcoin, gold, secured loans, corporate bonds, and “other investments”-as the raison d’être for this downgrade. 🤑💔

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But, bless my soul, it appears this fad, these “DATs” – Digital Asset Treasuries, they call ’em – ain’t holdin’ water so well anymore. Why, you’d think folks lost their minds watchin’ stock values tumble like a house of cards!

The long-anticipated Dogecoin ETF has stumbled out of the gate, its early performance resembling the energy of a soggy toast rather than a sizzling debut. The sole contender in this lackluster race, Grayscale’s Dogecoin ETF (GDOG), hasn’t exactly set Wall Street alight. Despite Grayscale’s impressive track record with Bitcoin and Ethereum funds, it seems that when it comes to DOGE, the magic just isn’t there-at least not yet.