The Bitwise Proficio Currency Debasement ETF (NYSE: BPRO, darling), which sashayed onto the trading floor today, positions itself as the “new weapon” for investors seeking refuge from the “unstoppable train of reckless spending” by those mischievous global governments. Oh, the drama of it all!
This, my dear reader, marks the first major crypto-native IPO of 2026, a year that seems to be tipping its hat more to the chaps behind the scenes than to those wild speculators. Rather decent of it, don’t you think?
The $90,000 mark, once a sanctuary, now looms as a gauntlet. Each upward stumble is met with the market’s sneer, a reminder that even the mightiest can falter. The RSI, that timid soul, dangles in the middle, neither brave nor broken, while volume slinks away like a coward.
Since the dawn of 2026 (which, let’s face it, feels like yesterday but with more robots), MYX has been on a rollercoaster, soaring over 96% with a brief stop to catch its breath. Even now, it’s still up 63% for the year-not bad for a coin that probably can’t tie its own shoelaces.
Tokenization has transformed from an idle fancy discussed in hushed tones at Davos into what Banque de France’s own François Villeroy de Galhau aptly termed “the name of the game” for the present year, promising advancements in global finance, improvements in payment delivery, and a delightful reduction in the cost of financial transactions. Who could resist such temptation?
This is no mere whimsy of the imagination; it’s a forecast wrapped in a bow of reality. Sacks, with the confidence of a man who just found an extra slice of pie at a potluck, suggests that once those comprehensive market structure laws get passed-yes, the ones we all pray for in our sleep-the banks will tumble headfirst into the crypto playground, tossing aside their traditional banking aprons.
The country’s SEC is currently drafting new rules to support crypto ETF products and futures trading. If passed, these new rules will give institutional investors a safe way to enter the market. Or, as we like to call it, “the Thai equivalent of a casino with a dress code.”
“We’re not just storing XRP like some passive ETF – oh no, we’re trying to earn even more XRP, because why settle for less?”
Vietnam, ever the enthusiast for regulations, has declared that cryptocurrency exchanges can now try to get licensed, thanks to the illustrious Government Resolution No. 05/2025/NQ-CP. Evidently, the State Securities Commission, perhaps exhausted from bureaucratic naivety, has issued a series of procedures, no doubt designed to keep everyone pondering.
Apparently, Jerome Powell’s replacement is gonna be the market’s new punching bag. Lee says, “The market always tests a new Fed.”
Yeah, because nothing says “welcome to the job” like a correction. It’s like throwing a rookie into the Super Bowl. Good luck, buddy.