JPYKRW

Ah, KakaoBank, that digital darling of South Korea, has whispered to the local gossips of its stablecoin aspirations, a won-pegged “Kakao Coin” that promises to be as reliable as a Swiss watch-or so they say. With the zeal of a prospector, they are laying the blockchain groundwork, their recruitment drive a clarion call for developers whose expertise in smart contracts and token standards is as rare as a first edition of Lolita. 📜

Key points to ponder over your borscht:

Bitcoin mining in China is staging an encore, much to the chagrin of those who thought they buried it. According to new intelligence from Hashrate Index – think of it as the Netflix of raw data – China has sneaked back into the top three, snagging around 14% of the world’s bitcoin power, rising from the shadows after fading into oblivion post-ban. Who would’ve thought? A phoenix in digital flames, perhaps? 🔥

Strategy boldly declares that should Bitcoin tumble to its humble $74,000 average cost, its precious BTC holdings would still cover its convertible debt by a staggering 5.9 times. Yes, you read that correctly. This miraculous ratio, which they proudly dub the “BTC Rating,” is apparently a safety net of epic proportions. But wait, there’s more: at a dismal $25,000 per Bitcoin, they’re still in the green with a modest 2.0x coverage. Marvel at the resilience! Or, if you prefer, prepare for a laugh.

Ah, Strategy-that bold, reckless gambler in the grand casino of finance! The company, with the feverish gleam of a man who has bet his last ruble on red, declared that even if Bitcoin-that capricious demon of the digital age-plunges to a mere $74,000 (oh, the horror!), its hoard of the cursed coins would still cover … Read more

Story Protocol’s native token, in a whimsical twist of fate, ascended by 21.48% to $2.98 within the span of a single day. This meteoric rise coincided with the blockchain’s introduction of prediction markets and the launch of Confidential Data Rails-a privacy-focused upgrade that, purportedly, secures encrypted data on-chain. One might wonder if the blockchain itself has developed a sense of Sartrean existentialism.

As their fancy press release reads: “Ah, yes, November 21 witnessed a daily volume record of a mind-boggling 794,903 contracts in our cryptocurrency futures and options. Please don’t ask how that compares to elephant foot voting in Texas, but suffice it to say it’s a significant beat on last August’s so-so paltry 728,475.” Isn’t it wonderful the world spins and all we can do is count contracts? 🎉

Public records show Texas snagged their Bitcoin via BlackRock’s spot ETF (fancy initials: IBIT), handing over an average of $87,000 per coin. Imagine that-Texas playing it smart, watching the crypto circles like a hawk. The Texas Blockchain Council confirmed: “We bought Bitcoin, y’all!” Meanwhile, Comptroller Kelly Hancock was practically the cowboy roping this deal into existence.

The report doth allege that the SEC, in a fit of leniency, dismissed or paused investigations into at least nine companies that bestowed gifts upon Trump or invested in his ventures. A curious coincidence, is it not? 🤔