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Notably, the asset management firm is the first to pursue this type of Lido Staked Ethereum offering, a feat that would make even Tolstoy’s characters raise an eyebrow at the audacity. 🤯

In a Fox Business interview that felt less like a policy discussion and more like a therapy session, Trump declared the tariffs “not sustainable.” Spoiler: They’re still in place. But hey, he blames China for “ripping off our country for years,” which is a compelling narrative if you ignore the fact that he once said they were “very unfair” and then immediately threatened them with more tariffs. Classic.

Ah, Dubai-the land of skyscrapers, sand dunes, and now… tokenized robots. Yes, you read that right. Peaq, the decentralized physical infrastructure (DePIN) protocol, has sealed a deal with the Virtual Assets Regulatory Authority (VARA) of Dubai. Their goal? To establish a framework that makes sure the robot overlords of the future don’t go rogue. 🤖✨

Crypto’s second-favorite digital asset (after Bitcoin, which is just Ethereum’s smug older sibling) has been trapped in a “support-resistance” cage match, failing to break above $4,500. According to our oracle, this is a short-term correction, which is just a fancy way of saying, “The market is panicking, but don’t panic… unless you’re a bear, in which case, PANIC.” The next stop? A $3,600 support level, which might as well be the edge of the universe. 🌌

The market’s equivalent of a teenager’s emotional breakdown? Probably crypto-native traders, according to JPMorgan (JPM). 🤷‍♀️

From October 6, 2025, to December 5, 2025, the residency will unfold like a well-rehearsed drama, complete with visa hurdles overcome and cities added to the itinerary. Dubai, San Francisco, New York, and Singapore-four hubs where founders can finally forget their passport numbers. Dubai, the central stage, will host the demo day during Binance Blockchain Week, because nothing says “global” like a week-long event named after a blockchain.

So, the orderbook data from CoinGlass is basically screaming, “HELP, WE’RE DROWNING IN RED INK!” 🩸 Bitcoin’s chilling at $104,500, clinging to the 200-day moving average like it’s the last slice of pizza at a party. 🍕 But the liquidity heatmap? It’s a ghost town. Buyers are hiding like they owe everyone money, and the only bids are hanging out near $100,000-$102,000, probably sipping margaritas and waiting for the apocalypse. 🍹💀

Amidst the clinking of cutlery and the fervent exchange of policy platitudes, one sentiment rang out with unmistakable clarity: the Trump administration was poised to crown the United States the most crypto-cherishing nation on earth. A sitcom of sorts, but with less laughter and more awkwardly placed investment portfolios.

Picture, if you will, a grand ballet of compliance and scrutiny, the goal being naught less than the strict adherence to the intricate tapestry of EU AML and counter-terrorism regulations. Particularly, the looming presence of the new MiCA licensing rules casts a long, sullen shadow over these exchanges like a melancholy cloud over a Parisian café.

A veritable circus of compliance checks, with Binance and Coinhouse playing the role of beleaguered clowns. 🎪