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Their website, perhaps written by a Tolstoyan character with too much time in the drawing room, declares proudly: “SSK is the first U.S.-listed ETF that gives you exposure to Solana (SOL), enhanced by staking rewards innate to the blockchain. Built by REX-Osprey, SSK unlocks staking rewards through the ease and transparency of the ETF structure.” One imagines Rostov, fortune lost at cards, nodding appreciatively at any mention of ‘exposure’ or ‘ease’.

According to a report by the AP (because who doesn’t love a good Associated Press story?), the hackers targeted Brazil’s PIX payment system. For those who don’t know, PIX is like the Venmo of Brazil – but instead of just sending your roommate money for rent, you can send millions of dollars to hackers. Convenient, right? 🤑

Bitcoin, in its infinite wisdom, managed to close above not one, but TWO significant levels over the past few days, notching its highest weekly close in history. Apparently, the crypto king has decided to aim for a return to its old playground, the $109,000 territory, after flirting with this area for a solid four days. But don’t get too excited; it’s just a warm-up.

As can scarcely surprise anyone with a proper fortune, crypto stocks and the shares of those intrepid modern miners—publicly listed Bitcoin mining folk—have likewise endured notable misfortunes. The whole affair is, in every possible sense of the word, a rout.

Mr. van de Poppe, ever the keen observer, has his eye on the TOTAL chart, a metric that tracks the market cap of all digital assets, excluding those pesky stablecoins. He assures his followers that TOTAL is poised for a “massive breakout” after a series of higher lows since the dawn of 2024. In his own words:

On a Thursday both gray and humid (as ever), Southwark Crown Court became the arena. Twelve years, the state declared, would suffice: Five years and four months for Bedi, six years and six months for Mavanga. One cannot ascend to crypto heaven without first passing through the underworld—and Judge Griffiths played the ferryman, coinless and stern.

A technical analysis shared by @CryptoGem10xx illuminates SEI’s behavior on the weekly timeframe, where the token has been consolidating above long-standing support. Price action suggests the asset is approaching a pivotal resistance near the $0.28 zone, a threshold that, if reclaimed, could spark a larger breakout, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

On the surface, this transfer might seem as inconsequential as a leaf in a vast forest, especially when compared to the federal government’s $650 million Ethereum stockpile. However, this is the first time since the early days of the Trump administration that the government has moved assets to an exchange, and it might just be a harbinger of things to come. 🍀

The company filed an update with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) on Monday, revealing they spent a *whopping* average of $106,906 per Bitcoin. Yep, you read that right. That’s the cost of a small mansion, except it’s virtual. But hey, no one’s judging. It’s like they bought the Bitcoin equivalent of rare Beanie Babies in the 90s. (Maybe it’s a good investment? Who knows!)

Yet, the future remains as murky as a swamp in the dead of night. Several of its leaders are still embroiled in legal battles, even as the decentralized software continues to hum along, oblivious to the chaos around it.