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Upon this dismal day, the vast empire of crypto’s total market cap retreated by a sorrowful 4.5%, dwindling to precisely $3.47 trillion, thus relinquishing a staggering $300 billion in value within mere hours-a tempestuous sea of monetary tumult! Bitcoin, the throne’s reluctant heir, faltered below the cherished $100,000 threshold for the first time since the ides of June, briefly plunging to $99,075 before settling near $100,870. A decline of about 5%-oh, what heart-wrenching caprice! 💔💸

According to an exchange of whispers with Bloomberg, Gemini plans to unfurl its wings and soar into the prediction markets “as soon as the stars align,” thus filing with the Commodity Futures Trading Commission to become a derivatives bazaar of sorts.

The price, that fickle mistress, moves with little conviction, a reflection of the souls who trade her. Last week, she briefly ascended to $116,000, a fleeting moment of triumph for the traders, only to be betrayed by the long-term holders who, like wary peasants, began to sell. The institutions, those grand lords of finance, stood idly by, their coffers unmoved, leaving the price to tumble once more. 🏰💸

In a riveting CBS interview on Sunday, Trump-who, by the way, apparently doesn’t even know Zhao-explained how he had no idea who this crypto kingpin was. He also dismissed any hint of political motivation with the grace of a seasoned politician. If you thought he was just being cryptic, don’t worry, Leavitt cleared it up, explaining that Trump didn’t “personally know” Zhao. Glad we cleared that up! 😏

The price, once a proud stallion, now limps, having failed to maintain its perch above the $105,500 support. It plunged, not with grace, but with the desperation of a cornered beast, dipping below $104,000 and $103,500, into the bearish wilderness. Even the sacred $100,000 support was not spared its fury, as it spiked to a low of $98,900, a number that shall henceforth be whispered in hushed tones. Now, it consolidates its losses near the 23.6% Fib retracement level, a pathetic attempt at redemption. 📉🤡

Technical indicators are waving red flags like they’re at a party. With steady selling pressure, it seems a dip toward $145-$150 is all but inevitable this week.

Darkfost, the crypto oracle with a 50% accuracy rate, says STHs are throwing BTC into exchanges like it’s hot garbage. 28,600 BTC sold at a loss? That’s just the latest chapter in the “I thought this was a get-rich-quick scheme” saga. Short-term holders are panicking like they bought Bitcoin after a TikTok endorsement. Congrats, you’re now part of the “I should’ve listened to my mom” club.

The Binance coin (BNB), which happily resides on the grand roller coaster of market trends, has shown a surprising tendency to go upward – after a period of pretending to be a professional hiker stuck at base camp. Apparently, the market has decided that staying stagnant is overrated, and now BNB is on a determined ascent, as if it just remembered it forgot to be bullish. 🚀📈

An ‘oversold RSI’, whatever that outlandish phrase implies, and the enthusiastic dabblings of the retail investor. These, we’re told, might coax the price towards a lofty $105. Though frankly, one wouldn’t place a bet on it. 🧐

Yes, dear reader, amidst the cloud of buzzwords and blockchain hoopla, RLUSD has climbed like a caffeinated mountain goat, now proudly seated among the top ten dollar-pegged superstars. Its value, shimmering at exactly $1.00 – because hey, even stablecoins have a sense of humor – totals over a billion bucks, enough to make Wall Street’s hedge funds seriously reconsider their career choices.