Crypto.com just got a gold star from the CFTC and NFA for its derivatives business. Who knew crypto needed a participation trophy to play in the U.S. market? 🏆 Now they’re “officially” offering margined derivatives, futures clearing, and whatever “compliance-driven trading” means. Spoiler: It probably still involves people losing money on Dogecoin. 🐕💸
Short-term price action? More like short-term disaster. WIF was at $0.712 earlier-because why not keep the misery going? Since the 22nd, it’s been a sell-off fiesta, and every rebound is shallower than my patience for small talk. Candlestick patterns? They’re screaming, “We’re doomed!” Sellers are rejecting upward moves like I reject bad sitcom pitches. 📉
The modest 25 basis point US Fed rate cut on Sept 18 did not soothe the nerves but unfastened them, triggering a seven-day sell-off that pressed BTC below 110,000 on Friday, Sept 25-the first such breach in 20 days. Since then, Bitcoin has struggled to reclaim the 110k threshold, while a 33% collapse in trading volumes on Sunday signaled feebleness of conviction for the week to come. 💨
Telegram initially yanked posts that were so obviously against the rules, even my cat could spot them. But when France and Moldova started sending lists of channels that were “problematic” only because they disagreed with the content, Durov threw up his hands and said, “Sorry, folks, but I don’t censor based on political preferences. Not even for a free croissant.” 🥐
The oil-rich Venezuela, with the unyielding embrace of U.S. sanctions, gracefully pivots like a prima donna to stablecoins to stay afloat. Asdrúbal Oliveros of Ecoanalítica speaks thus of the pivot, with a touch of hysteria, given the dire paucity of dollars eagerly awaiting some semblance of engagement.
Clinging to the $12 level is the hinge on which the door of fortune might swing; fail there and we drift into the dreary republic of $9-$12, even with volume that would make a banker blush and accumulation that would make a saint suspicious. 😏
Ethereum, alas, has fallen from its lofty perch, dropping below four thousand pieces of silver (or dollars, as the common folk call them). A lamentable 14% decline, you say! Yet, fear not, for our whales perceive this not as ruin, but as an opportunity! A chance to sate their appetites! More than 406,000 ETH – a sum exceeding 1.6 billion – has been scooped up by these discerning investors in recent days. Truly, a gluttonous display!.
Ah, a week that ETF investors would love to erase from their minds. Bitcoin and ether funds closed the week of September 26, 2025, staring into the abyss of financial despair. Bitcoin ETFs bled out a monstrous $418.25 million – a loss so large it could fund a small country’s desire for luxury yachts.
Strive Asset Management (ASST) has acquired Semler Scientific (SMLR) in an all-stock deal. It’s not exactly a fairy tale; more like a corporate version of a garage sale where the lemon of a company is traded for a bouquet of Bitcoin stickers. While this merger is historic-two Digital Asset Treasuries (DATs) joining forces-it also shines a spotlight on what some investors might call a sketchy art project called valuing crypto treasuries.
