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It seems that Cardano’s retail base has finally succumbed to despair after weeks of painful drawdowns. Enter the whales, poised to make their move. 🦈

According to CoinShares (who apparently keep a very close eye on the comings and goings of the crypto elite), Q3 2025 saw an infusion of $177 million, pushing the total for the year past $1.2 billion. Now, with liquidity flowing like champagne at a soirée, Solana has positioned itself as the crème de la crème of staking, lending, and DEX activity. How utterly delightful!

XRP, the market’s eternal optimist, has been tossed around like a tumbleweed in a tornado. For weeks, it’s been stuck below the $3 mark, trading at $2.081 like it’s trying to whisper a secret to the 100-day EMA. Buyers are huddling in the $2.75-$2.85 range, defending their turf like it’s the Alamo. But the bears? They’re coughing up dust and wheezing. Volume is slimmer than a coyote’s diet, and sellers are starting to look like they’ve packed their bags for the last time. Maybe they’re done. Maybe not. Only time will tell, but the RSI isn’t screaming for blood-yet. 🧨

Decentraland (MANA), that spry young thing, has bounced with élan from a technical confluence zone where the value area low and a bullish order block collided like two dueling debutantes. This audacious leap has vaulted the price above the point of control, a testament to the voracious appetites of buyers who seem to have developed a taste for MANA-infused cocktails. Should this trend persist, MANA may waltz toward $0.30 and perhaps even $0.38, provided the champagne (i.e., volume) flows sufficiently.

And lo! Bitcoin, the “digital gold,” is hailed as the savior of the modern age. But what is this “digital gold” but a ghost in the machine, a shadow of the real thing? The traditional gold, however, has returned with a vengeance, its value climbing like a drunken sailor on a shipwreck. A 35% rise? A miracle! Or perhaps just the universe’s way of saying, “You’re welcome.” 🤷‍♂️

Nasdaq-listed MARA mined 705 BTC last month, proving that even in a bear market, they’re still mining… or is it just the same old crypto drama? 🧑‍💻

Old Const, not one to sit idly by while its contractual rights are trampled upon, has filed a lawsuit in the hope of securing a Temporary Restraining Order. The drama thickens as Bitmain allegedly threatened to seek a new jurisdiction, perhaps a more favorable one, to obtain a seizure order for the hardware in question. 🚀

So, this Pudgy Penguins (PENGU), that hapless memecoin, has been sliding downhill these last six weeks as if caught in some eternal winter, much like the souls of Dostoevsky’s poor souls-melancholy and resigned-while other memecoins join the waltz of decline. At this very moment, PENGU slips 2% within a day and is nursing a 12% monthly bruise. Oh, the agony!

Justin Sun, the crypto maestro and occasional Trump-backer (yes, that Trump), took to social media on Sept. 5 to announce his latest financial escapade. According to the Tron (TRX) founder, crypto-related stocks are as undervalued as a used toothbrush at a space station. With the market as bullish as a Vogon at a poetry reading, Sun’s decided to dive in with $10 million worth of ALTS stock and WLFI tokens. Because why not? 🦄📈

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Distribution is still a bottleneck. Tokenized funds are still as rare as unicorns, and platforms that offer them are few and far between. But online brokers like Robinhood, Public, and eToro (ETOR), with their crypto-fueled dreams and millennial clientele, are ready to take the plunge. Coinbase (COIN), with its broadening horizons, might also throw its hat into the ring, though they’re still figuring out what exactly “finance” means outside of crypto.